The Snot Goblin.
This is rather disgusting.

A few years back I had an extended bout of heartburn\sickness and was sent for an endoscopy (luckily it was the day before the camera was scheduled for use in sigmoidoscopies). I climbed on the table and had the horrid tasting stuff squirted down my throat to stop the gag-reflex (unfortunately the stuff isn't available for recreational use) and the camera tube was introduced successfully. All good so far.

The doctor manipulated the camera and was having a good look round my upper alimentary bits when it happened. My nose started to run. Then the snot thickened. At this point I could barely breathe and tried to convey this to the nurse who was holding me still. She thought I was panicking for a different reason and tried to calm me with soothing words and the reassurance all would be over soon. Too fucking right! If I didn’t get a breath soon I would die!.

So I did the obvious thing and forcefully evacuated the contents of my nasal cavity. All over the doctor’s hand. Luckily he’d seen enough by then and the examination was concluded. But it didn’t end there. A few nights later I was in the cricket club and one of the lads came over. “My wife says she’s never seen that much snot come out of one nose in one go.” Thanks Stevie, that’s why I had to live under the name of Snot Goblin for nearly a decade.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 11 Mar 2010, 15:58, Reply)