Sad Tale
Apolgies in advance for lack of teh lolz...

As you can guess from my username, I live in China, and am married to a lovely Chinese lady. A few months after our wedding she told me the happy news that she was expecting our first child, and we were both delighted - we were both keen for a child (one being the usual quota). Healthcare in China isn't, inevitably, what you'd get in Britain, no matter what pricks like Dan Hannan say. It's essentially all private, and with the sheer weight numbers (I live in a city of 10 million people) combines the expense of private with the queues of public-sector health like the NHS.

Anyways, we had got to six months in and things were looking rosy. Several scans had shown things to be progressing fine. The kicks were increasingly strong, we were buying all the necessary baby items you need, and like a smug middle-class git I was reading "The Secret Garden" to my child on a nightly basis. Approaching parenthood was almost tangible; the kicks were so strong it was almost like I could shake my child's hand, or tickle his/her foot. We were both feeling ready, with all the nerves and anxiety of any new parents, but in a happy place.

I took my wife to the hospital for a scan and check-up. I sat by the reception waiting. And waiting. And waiting. Phonecalls went unasnwered. A little concerned, I wandered about the area but could see no-one. So I waited some more. Eventually she called me and through tears said "There is a problem, please come".

In the doctors office they told us that the baby (they are not allowed to tell you the gender) had a hole in its stomach, the intestines were outside in the amniotic fluid and consequently advised us to abort. We were numb with shock, didn't know what to do and came home in tears.

We spent the evening reading up about the condition. It's called gastoschisis and affects about 1 in 2000 pregnancies. In Western countries it's not a major procedure to correct, given early diagnosis and correct care being taken. So, with this in mind, and obviously wanting to keep our baby, we decided to tell the doctors we wanted to keep it and ask them about the procedures to do so.

However, in China, with the one-child policy, and the relatively low-quality of healthcare, this was easier said than done. We (eventually) got an appointment with the best maternity doctor in the whole city, who was fairly young, keenly intelligent and had an excellent bedside manner (unlike many of the other doctors and nurses we encountered during this awful time). But even she advised us that an abortion was the only possible course of action - that the risks were too big, that we might end up harming out child or even dragging out our child's death, and other such gruesome possibilties. We enlisted help to find out about the possible healthcare in Beijing or Shanghai, but we told the same thing, every time. Maybe it would have been less difficult if we were in Britain or the States etc, but we weren't. This was obviously a grotesquely difficult decision to make, and one which has induced a lot of guilt and remorse, but it's almost impossible to go against the overwhelming medical advice.

Eventually, we had to go with the medical advice and have a late abortion. The doctors let me come through after delivery and say goodbye to my child. My boy. Our poor boy. Our poor sweet darling boy. I can only hope you can forgive me.
(McChinaman banned, Thu 11 Mar 2010, 16:14, 5 replies)

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That's a sad story. Sorry.

You were desperately unlucky. Hope you get another chance.
( Not Pineapple anymore, Thu 11 Mar 2010, 17:09, closed)

That is truly terrible. In every way. I really feel for you.
( Ugi , it's a game of give and cake, Thu 11 Mar 2010, 17:50, closed)

This is truly shocking, sometimes you forget about things that we have in England and bitch about waiting times/ignorant staff. You've bought me back to reality with a very large bump.

I hope you find happiness and learn to forgive yourself, as I am sure your son will have done so instantly.
(MissFlee tried again on, Thu 11 Mar 2010, 18:31, closed)

I'm really sorry
that's awful. Currently there's a documentary on called one born every minute, and one baby was born like that, but they diagnosed at 12 weeks and were very prepared. I'm really sorry that didn't happen for you, and hope that one day you'll be blessed with another child.
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Thu 11 Mar 2010, 18:37, closed)

I'm so very sorry
what an awful experience for you both. I'm sure your boy has only love for you. Forgive yourselves. Much love.
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Thu 11 Mar 2010, 21:05, closed)