A visit to the pokeyman (proctologist)
This is very traumatic so bear with me.

A few years back I was having a bit of bother with the nether regions. Not for me the joy of inflamed or bleeding chalfonts, not even a ruined pilonidal sinus nor impacted faecal matter. No. I had lost all feeling in and around the ringpiece. This may not seem very serious but when you can’t feel whether your poo has stopped or if a small fart is following through, it can be quite embarrassing. My GP scratched his head in puzzlement and sent me off to the specialist bum chappy.

After a couple of months wait my appointment came and off I trots to the hospital. I explained the problem and he asked me to remove trousers and trolleys, bend over with my legs slightly apart and rest my hands on the low stool he had provided. He then said he would stick something up my bum to check whether there was any feeling and if so how far it extended. I heard him lube up and felt some pressure and told him so. He made a “Hmmm.” Noise and said “How about now?” At that point I could feel something about 5cm in and told him so. He repeated the “Hmmm” noise and said “How about now?” And oh boy could I feel it. He said “Ok then, I’ll just wiggle it around bit, tell me if that feels different.” And he did so. It was at this point I discovered I could feel something else, both of his hands on my shoulders.

I cried on the way home.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 16 Mar 2010, 18:03, 6 replies)

You bastard
that was a genuine LOLZer
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 16 Mar 2010, 18:18, closed)

cunt
i laughed
( monstrinho do biscoito teeeshurts = www.nogunarmy.com, Tue 16 Mar 2010, 18:21, closed)

*click*
fair enough - i rarely grin whilst half-arsedly watching Chelsea.

rafter
baz
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 16 Mar 2010, 21:15, closed)

Haha
Almost spat milo on my keyboard.
(Archeleus hates cabbage, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 1:54, closed)

It's as old as the hills, that one

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 10:25, closed)

It was at this point I discovered I could feel something else, both of his hands on my shoulders
Bwahahahaha, an oldie but goldie
(Sadarse works like Mist condensing mud flaps, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 7:44, closed)