Try shitting a lightbulb without cutting your ringpiece to shreds...!
When I was a surgical junior doc at a hospital on the south coast of England, we used to see a regular in A&E quite often.

Carrot man was his nickname.
Every few weeks he'd walk gingerly into A&E, lean against the desk and in a shameless and rather booming voice inform the receptionist:

"I've shoved a big carrot up me arse again while having a wank and I can't get it out. Could somebody pull it out for me please?"

(lots of open-mouthed looks of incredulity from the punters waiting their turn in the waiting room)

He'd be seen, the root vegetable would be duly extracted and chucked in the bin, and he'd turn round, pull up his trousers, say "Thanks very much doc, see you in a few weeks" and wander out.

He'd be true to his word as well.
( sm.pl.crt.rs I don't fucking know, do I?, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 16:43, Reply)