I'm not gay
But I thought I'd post my favourite case of mistaken gaydentity.

When I lived in Jamaica (yawn he always talks about Jamaica after a few blah, blah, blah...), I found out that almost the entire village thought I was gay. Now, anyone who knows about jamaica knows that is a dangerous thing indeed.
How did this come to pass (especially as I'd spent the entire first month there with my girlfriend)?
Well, there were two pieces of evidence presented to me.
1) I had spoken to a gay man and said to him "See you later". turns out that one night, whilst standing outside the local go go club the only gay in the village (literally) came over to speak to me. Apprantely we chatted for a few moments before he went off. On parting, I'd said "See you later" as this is a common thing to say where I come from in London. It purely means that maybe, at some point in the future our paths might cross again.
In Jamaica this was secret code for 'lets meet up later and have lots of bum sex'.
Nobody seem to appreciate my explanation that I'd been inside the go go club for hours and had stepped outside to wait for my mate who'd gone back to the house in search of weed. Nobody cared that the whole conversation I had with the man was:
"Hi, how are you?"
"I'm fine, just getting some air. It's a hot night to be surrounded by such beautiful girls."
"ok, cool. Well, you have a good night."
"Cheers, see you later."
Anyway, turns out that the local gay man only thought I might be gay by the other piece of evidence.
2) I play a few musical insturments, so on my departure to that fair Isle I chose one of my favourites. A big black saxaphone.
Anyway, when I first arrived I kept it hidden away for a bit as I was paranoid that it might get stolen. After I'd been there about a month, my mate and me decided to have a jam. He played the Djembe, so it looked like it could work out really nicely.
Before we got to that point, I was showing him the sax. It was lying in its case still and when 'Dragon' (a local ganster type) came in the room, we shut the case quickly and leant on it so he couldn't see it.
Dragon knew something was up, but we just carried on as usual.
Turns out he thought we were having bumsex when he came in. Despite both being fully dressed and standing in his mums kitchen, who was in the other room.
It was two months before we found out what he was telling everyone.
When I found out lots of things clicked into place. The mad guy who kept telling me he knew I wasn't a battyboy, the kids who followed me home one night calling me batty.

Anyway, I don't really give a toss if someone thinks I'm gay. This was crazy though and it's only after I found out that I realised how close I'd been to getting stabbed on more than one occasion. Only my wide eye'd innocence kept me out of trouble.

I still wonder about that gay guy sometimes. He must have a really shit life.
(EvilMeister, Fri 1 Jun 2007, 19:59, Reply)