'I want you, I want you, I want you'
A lad in my class used to make me tapes of Prince albums (so perhaps a tenuous entry for this QOTW) but they became the stuff of legend in our school due to the 'extras' added to the spare tape at the end of each album.

The lad concerned didn't have many friends at school, due to him being a Vegan Doctor Who fanatic who wore a single BMX glove and used to wander off into the fields at lunch time to boogaloo alone to music in his head inbetween wolfing down mouthfuls of animal free slop. He also built his own computers from scratch and once invited me into his bedroom/workshop, where he'd glued empty crisp boxes to the wall in lieu of shelves and filled them with motherboards, defaced photos of Maggie Thatcher and half eaten tins of treacle. I ended up befriending him as I was almost as unpopular and socially inept as he was and we bonded over a love of Prince (I also developed a fine business selling him the porn mags that I stole from the Esso garage, which has some bearing on his later antics).

He started off adding idle bits of quite amusing banter to the end of each tape, normally involving him talking to a tape recording of himself, singing songs, pretending to be drunk or reading from biology texts (I have no idea why he did the last one) but eventually he got daring and blew his load all in one go.

On the end of one tape (a copy of 'Dirty Mind' as it happens) he added a reading from the letters page of one of the magazines I'd sold him. Nothing too filthy but delivered with a fevered relish and a lot of unusual flapping noises so slightly unusual.

He then raised the bar when he followed this up by performing a lecture posing as a philosopher named Sigmund Foond, in which he discussed the sexual merits of some girls in our class. He went into vivid detail (during which he confessed to stroking himself and licking his tie) and wandered off into dream scenarios about men fighting to the death for their favours in the middle ages.

He finished off the tape with his finest moment, a song he'd written about these girls. The tune wasn't up to much, coming across like an increasing excitable version of Madonna's 'Erotica' if it was performed by a teenage lunatic from Warrington thrashing his leg with a tie, but the lyrics were disturbingly memorable. Especially the final ones:

Ooh, Mavis come to me
Vicky, Clare and Gaynor too
Oooooh
Tie me in a sack
jack me off
jack me off
whip me, kick me, kick me baby
I want your whips tonight
Under the stars
Under the night
I want you baby
Every night
I want you, I want you, I want you

The last line was particularly powerful as it was delivered with a heroic orgasmic grunt just as the tape ran out.

Being a teenager, and therefore something of a cunt, I took it into school and played it to the girls concerned, who understandably went ballistic at him, slapping him violently until they realised he was enjoying it.

He suffered the humiliation with great humour as it happened and didn't even seem to mind when a bootleg of it (there were plenty about, many perplexingly remixed with samples of 'Also Sprach Zarahustra') was played on the coach during a field trip.

The last time I saw him was in 1994. He appeared to have glued sprigs of hair all over his face and was scrutinising the rice puddings in the Co-op.

I want to see him now. Really badly.
(mudflaps, Thu 7 Feb 2008, 17:00, 4 replies)

Kudos maximus
for getting a great anecdote into a mundane QoTW. I snorted into my cuppa. Have a click, sir.
(jennymnemonic, Thu 7 Feb 2008, 17:35, closed)

i thought...

that this was going to be piss take...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Feb 2008, 17:39, closed)

Stop the QoTW!
We have a winner!

*click*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 7 Feb 2008, 17:46, closed)

Stop the QOTW!!

Just stop it.

Please
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 7 Feb 2008, 19:14, closed)