I once had a date with the dizziest girl in the world
When I arrived at her front door to pick her up for the evening, I noticed a set of keys in the lock, so I took them out and knocked. And waited. And waited. And knocked again. And waited. Eventually on the third attempt the door was opened by my flustered looking date. “You’d better come in, I cant find my mobile”. I stood in the hallway while she flung cushions off of chairs and emptied the contents of her handbag onto the floor. I noticed that she had a landline, “Why not give your mobile a ring?” I suggested. She furrowed her brow and said “But who’s going to answer it?” I laughed thinking that she had made a joke. She hadn’t. “We might hear the ringing,” I explained. Her face lit up with understanding as she thrust her hand into her coat pocket and pulled out a mobile phone and started punching in numbers. “Is that your work mobile?” I asked (already suspecting the answer). “No, I don’t have a work mob…” she trailed off, “You must think I’m an idiot?” she said looking embarrassed. “Not at all” I lied, “Shall we go? The table is booked for 8pm”. “Ok” she said, “I just need to find my keys”.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 15:14, 12 replies)

Aye but did you ball it in her?

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 15:19, closed)

Why spoil the perfect evening?
No. I drove her home and never contacted her again.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 15:23, closed)

So you didn't get in about her sweaty clunge?

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 15:26, closed)

No
She wasn't that attractive and she was as thick as a donkeys cock.

"Run away not today crazy laydee"
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 15:28, closed)

Didn't even gauge the length and thickness of her labia
With a sharp little grope?
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 15:31, closed)

Call me old fashioned
but that sounds more like a second date type of activity
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 15:33, closed)

No click for you!

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 15:35, closed)

Pah, I am above such petty desires
Pleeeeease click, papa needs a brand new pair of everything
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 15:44, closed)

Heheh
Sweet!
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 31 Jul 2009, 0:39, closed)

Needs more line breaks
but I clicked anyway.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 4 Aug 2009, 9:58, closed)

too right
I would have bloody loved more line breaks in that.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Tue 4 Aug 2009, 18:55, closed)

Ah women
I've come home a few times to find my wife's keys in the front door.

Only at a certain time in the month though. Regularly, though predictably dizzy.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 13:14, closed)