Tortoises are horny little scamps.
We have two tortoises- both male- creatively named Tortoise and Tiny.

Tortoise is gay. We're not sure about Tiny. Whenever Tortoise mounts him, Tiny will make a strange, high pitched keening noise.

One time my grandma had a bible study group in the garden and this keening starts from the tortoise hut. All the little old ladies and the vicar ask my grandma what the noise could possibly be-?

Red-faced, my grandma babbled, "Oh, it's the tortoises. They, err... they sing! When they're happy."

Wow! Said the old ladies. Can we see it? We never knew tortoises sing! Can we see them singing?

"No." My grandma said hastily, "They only sing when they're in the dark. If we open the hut they'll just stop. It's why they're not on telly."
(Sivvus trolley collision in the fruit aisle led to a jam, Sat 2 Feb 2013, 17:59, 1 reply)

They make excellent sex faces too
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ReJzdX5oO84

I guess tortoise porn is technically NSFW
(lurkylurklurk swings more, Sun 3 Feb 2013, 17:15, closed)