3 stories from 'Pon Road'
Growing up in Walthamstow (east london for any who don't remember the bell ends that were east 17, Brain Harvey actually lived down my road but that's a whole other story) i've had my fair share of dramas pon road (sorry bout the hoodie/gang starrrr lingo but it adds to the atmosphere)!

The first of my offerings however took place in quaint ol Canterbury. After a rather boozey, mary-jane filled night of uni fun myself, jimmy (uni mate) and Archie (Jim's mate from school) decide to walk into town at 5 in the morn and wait for the golden arches to open for a McBreakfast (the hash browns are nang). So they we are, perching on the benches outside the luxuar restaurant when a chap with his chavvy Henry Lloyd coat zipped up over his mouth walks up to us with his hands in his pockets and mumbles something.
"What's that mate?" Jimmy asked
Once again mumbling but this time we quite clearly hear
"Give me you money"
Now lets look at the evidence, 3 of us, even though i'm not that big jim and archiebold are, 1 of him.
Us in unison: "Fuck of you scally cunt!"
Him after unzipping his jacket: "Can you lend us a quid then?"
Me: "No really mate, fuck off and eat a dick you bombar claht" (i don't normally speak like this unless joking with friends but i couldn't resist it)
Archie stands up and the bloke legs it, it wasn't till after he was round the corner archie said the reason he stood up was to give him a quid!

Second incident was in walthamstow. When i was about 14 i used to 'cotch' in the local video shop and bun weed all day through the school holidays. Anyhoo, one lovely july day one of the local boys (who was a bit margot - thin/weak) comes running in proclaiming he had been mugged by 2 blokes. Normally we would've have cained him about this but realising this had happened in our hood you can imagine how we felt.....dissed blood! Cue 8 street kids of various ages jumping into 2 souped up Novas (yes i cringe as i write this) tearing off to find the muggers). 5minutes later and we've spotted them just past Billet roundabout. Both cars screech to a halt and we surround them baying for blood and revenge. To keep it short they were instructed to strip to their boxers and told to "Fuck off". It wasn't until i got back in the car and saw the spoils of their various mugging missions that emerged from their jacket and jeans pockets that i realised we'd just mugged them! Street Justice.

The last one still scares me. I recently met up with a friend i went to a very good charity boarding school (school for underprivileged kids see school of rock) with for a pint. We hadn't seen each other for a long time as this bloke had been expelled when we were 16. Now he came from Bow and really was from the ghetto, he'd been stabbed etc and most probably had done the same but was a good mate even if i didn't approve sometimes. I don't know how it got onto the subject but his sister had been mugged in his 'manor' by a yout he knew. Now the sister had gone round to this chaps house and asked for him to return the bracelet he had taken, but alas to no avail.
Me:"so what happened mate?"
My friend from the ghetto, saying in a very calm voice:"I burnt his house"
Other friend who was with us:"but you didn't get the bracelet"
Friend from ghetto:"No, but he only has half a house now"

Lessons to take from this....Don't fuck with really aggy looking people from the ghetto, generally they don't give a fuck!
(crispyshark, Fri 16 Jun 2006, 16:21, Reply)