I was mugged of my facial features......
...the mugger got his comuppance within about 3 seconds!

Out on the town one night and full of JD i leave group A to go and meet group B at a different bar. I set off, minding my own business walking up the busiest street (Corn street for you fellow Bristolians) when all of a sudden...BLAM!

The BLAM was some random chap who, and may i be struck down if i'm lying, punched me in the face and put me flat on my back, for seemingly no apparent reason. I said nothing to him. (i'm 6"3 and 17st....to put me down you need a bit of force to give you some perspective.) It fuckin hurt too. Chipped tooth, split lip, broken nose, black eye, ripped my one expensive shirt....ouch.

As i'm collecting my now blood-drenched thoughts together whilst lying on the floor i hear a god almighty THUD! I look next to me to see a chap in a similar situation as me. Hit in the face etc.

I thought my attacker was having some frenzied free for all or something.

Nope, some nice lads had seen the twunt drop me, so took it upon themselves to drop the bastard on my behalf.

Quality blokes. They picked me up, took me into a bar to help me get cleaned up and then one of them gave me a lift to the hospital, never to be seen again.

Sorry, not really a mugging i know, but it sort of fits. Same tit invading personal space and all that.

Length, girth? Lots.....i was lying on the floor though. You don;t like this....you love it!
( The Pollitt chooses to listen to Enya on, Sat 17 Jun 2006, 12:51, Reply)