Kuta, Bali
Last November I went for a two week holiday on my own to Bali, Indonesia. I was alone as I had two weeks holiday to use up, and none of my friends didn't have enough holiday spare. I chose Bali as I knew there would be other random backpackers there and I wouldn't be stuck for meeting people.

Now by all accounts this is Australia's Magaluf but thankfully for me some Islamic militants had the foresight to bomb the place one month earlier, thus cutting the holidaying population by 80% and making it a lot calmer and not packed full of noisy, annoying Aussies.

So at the time of this story I was hanging out with a bunch of Irish guys and boy do they like to drink. I of course am no stranger to this myself and we frequently went out and got bladdered, much fun was had and the local Indonesian ladies went home happy.

Anyway one night after a good drinking session I was walking home down Poppies 2 (it's a road!) and was approached by a lady on a motorbike. Obviously she was going to try and sell something to me as that's what everyone does in Bali. You can't walk a metre down a street in Kuta (the main holiday town) without some guy shouting 'Transport?' (even if you're on a bike at the time) or some girl (usually old) shouting 'Massase?' followed shortly by 'Jiggy-jiggy?' i.e. sex. They can't pronounce soft 'g's apparently.

So this girl on a bike approaches me and asks 'You want jiggy-jiggy?'. I turn away, don't look at her and say no, but she comes right up to me and starts cupping my length in her hand and repeats the question. I repeatedly say no and wait for her to leave, which she does a few seconds later.

Happy at not having been raped by a prostitute, I continue walking back to my hotel, but after a few steps I sense that something's wrong - my trousers don't feel right. And - you may be one step ahead of me here - reaching down into my pocket I feel that my wallet has gone. I desperately turn round and start running in the direction of the motorbike, but (a) I'm drunk and can't run, and (b) she's on a motorbike, FFS.

So I got mugged by a girl. Luckily there wasn't too much money in my wallet, but it did have my cards and it took me about 20 phone calls and two and a half days to get any cash, as Barclays / Visa fucked it up royally. I did manage to stiff them for compensation afterwards though. And I managed to borrow enough cash from the Irish guys to tide me over in between so I was OK really.

Apart from that it was a fantastic holiday. Apologies for length but she didn't complain.

Oh yeah, that's my qotw cherry popped. Ithangyew.
(Karlos the Marmoset this message may self destruct at, Wed 21 Jun 2006, 17:21, Reply)