The Mothership
I think this QOTW was made for my mum, aka The Mothership, a mild-mannered and somewhat eccentric nurse.
Mild-mannered until one of her 'pods' (children) is threatened, whereupon the Mothership will drop out of warp and blast the offending person. This very often used to happen to a maths teacher called Mrs Kench, who wouldn't notice the Mothership de-cloaking until it was too late.
The Mothership also has quite a following on Facebook with her slightly loopy e-mails. Here are a few:

"What ho,

Have weathered having no heating, then no hot water - but was very vexed when bathroom and shower room lights did not work. Just them, everything else lit up fine. Puzzled.
Mr Petts and I fiddled with fuses, trips, bulbs but still no light, hmm, rang Dad; have we tried the switch in the airing cupboard? Did so - nothing, but by this stage we had broken the shower room bulb anyway. Oh, and the cold tap in the bath had come off under mains pressure. Resorted to sherry, Sainsburys having just delivered a new one. Doesn't light bathrooms, but takes the edge off the problem.
Dad to the rescue - no, not a night in a hotel, but that mysterious switch in airing cupboard. It was the fuse for those two lights and had been turned off so when new bulb went in shower room = light. Yipee. Bathroom light needed to come off and be turned round, someone having switched it to HEAT ONLY!!! Nincompoops.
Fine today. Have heat via several radiators, light (in our darkness), warm water going into bath, although cold tap is still absent, a new griddle en route (previous one had a leg short), the splashback en route with £20 knocked off for my conveniences and a new tap in the post. I'd rather have it on my bath though.
Mr Petts going on holiday for 2 weeks to recover. Mothership going to work, ditto.

Night All,

Mothership x

P.S have not been on the sherry tonight "

This one is from Christmas two years ago. Mr F is our local milkman, and Howard is my Godfather

"Evening all,

just to let you all know that Howard has been invited for dinner on Boxing Day ( accepted )
He is to be spared the ordeal of cardboard Christmas cake at you know where ( by the way, Mr F cannot take his eyes off my cooker - he is mesmerised every time I open the door, I think it was love at first sight ) and thankfully Mrs Mosley has not been able to obtain zebra for Christmas Day but it might still be ostrich or kangaroo...

Mum x"

and finally the best. This one was entitiled 'Hobnoobs'
"Greetings.

Have not been on the pop again despite being carried out of The Miners by your father Friday night.
No, am merely attempting to buy biscuits but having trouble with my spelling. Sainsburys seem to think I would prefer a kettle.

Yours surreally,

Mothership x"
( Peapod Has returned to the fold on, Sun 14 Feb 2010, 13:29, 6 replies)

I am writing this reply,
because I just noticed the hearts, and I want to see what has happened to my cock.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Sun 14 Feb 2010, 14:40, closed)

Oh
:-( I thought it was because you liked my post
( Peapod Has returned to the fold on, Sun 14 Feb 2010, 14:53, closed)

I liked your post!
: )
(magenta may, Sun 14 Feb 2010, 16:08, closed)

Thank you!

( Peapod Has returned to the fold on, Sun 14 Feb 2010, 16:17, closed)

Anybody else want to hear more about Mothership v Mrs Kench?
I'm sure that's a tale worth reading.
(Big D, Sun 14 Feb 2010, 20:06, closed)

I'm clicking this merely for the line
"Didn't notice the Mothership de-cloaking until it was too late".

Go Stealth Mums!
( jim_bob can herd cats., Sun 14 Feb 2010, 21:54, closed)