My most overriding memory of my mother
Is a pearoast -

I can tell you the exact date of my memory - 29th December 1996.

That was the day my Mum died, after fighting a losing battle with cancer for nearly 18 months.
That morning, My Dad had woken up to find the body, and had gone round waking us kids up one by one, eldest first, right down to myself, the youngest.

I howled, and I sobbed, and I begged that it couldn't be true. But it was.

My Dad took me through to see the body that was still lying in bed. She looked so peaceful, it was incredible. Considering this was the woman I'd had to hear coughing her lungs up every night for 18 months (when you're 8, that seems like the longest time in the world, almost beyond living memory) it was odd to see her finally relaxed.

We had seen the Chemotherapy ravage her body, making her seem even iller than she was, but up until the day she died, I never thought she would. I was 8, the woman was invincible to me!

When I saw her that relaxed, it made me worse, it was when I realised she'd never come back. My Dad gave me a little while to say my goodbyes alone, and I went to the bed and held her hand. As she had died at about 1am and this was 9am, her hands felt like ice. That is the most surreal thing in the world, to feel a hand you were used to being warmed by, with no heat left in it. It's frankly terrifying.

After 5 minutes sat crying, I realised. This was the longest I'd heard her go without coughing in almost a year. It finally clicked, my Dad was right. She was in a better place, not suffering anymore.

My parents were both strong christians, and so I suppose this was the only way they could face death. Makes me jealous really, I wish I could open up to the possibility of there being a God.

Epilogue -
It's been 13 years since that day.
My Dad remarried in 2004, now living happily with his new wife. (QUICK EDIT: She's ace, just realised I didn't mention that)
My 5 siblings are all happy and healthy, with the eldest a happy father now.

And me? I'm a stronger person now. I'm now the person that friends go to when they need someone to talk to. I'm a person I know my Mum would be proud of.

Do I miss her? Sometimes, when I think about her. It's hard to miss someone when you know most of the memories you hold of her aren't yours. Mostly stories I've heard since.

But I know that I'm living the right life for me, and I know she'd be proud of me. (Well, hope so)

Length? She was 4 foot 11 and a half. Always the half! God forbid if you ever forgot!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Feb 2010, 12:05, 9 replies)

internet hugs!

( Mrs Sp@m, Mon 15 Feb 2010, 12:13, closed)

You sir
made me spit tea on my keyboard. Not through laughing, it was because your story made my bottom lip quiver.

*goes to find tissue to wipe eyes
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 15 Feb 2010, 12:32, closed)

*dries eyes*
*clicks*
( Fathter Puddytat Kill Kill dat widdle boid is mine on, Mon 15 Feb 2010, 12:57, closed)

Bet she tripped you up.
And laughed.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 15 Feb 2010, 14:27, closed)

Well done.
An honest and moving account.

And well done to your dad for his strength on the day. If I woke to find my wife dead I know I couldn't do what he did.
(robbersdog, Mon 15 Feb 2010, 14:28, closed)

*click*
I am 4 ft 11 inches and a half too.
(Mrs Ballunatic counting calories, not votes., Mon 15 Feb 2010, 15:36, closed)

My contact lenses are making my eyes water.
Equally, although I have no faith, your father must have found great solace in his belief that she had gone to a better place.

I'm glad he remarried and is happy.

*internet hugs and a cup of tea*
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 15 Feb 2010, 16:02, closed)

Just went through a box of kleenex.
Hugs x
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Mon 15 Feb 2010, 17:50, closed)

I did that once
when I was 13
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 15 Feb 2010, 18:18, closed)