It's my parking space.
My luck was as such that the apartments decided to assign parking spaces ON MY DAY OFF! Hurray! I get to pick my parking space because I show up early. I picked out the space right next to the stairs. Being a mechanic (and a proper one at that), I work hard. No sense in walking too far from the truck to the stairs.

Until one fateful night. I had been out for drinks with coworkers, and on the way home, decided to grab a bite to eat. Thank goodness for the snack I had, because I might not have been sober enough to avoid flattening your car. As I was sober enough to avoid crashing my truck and your car... I was not sober enough to avoid being a vigilante.

By the way, did you know that an air-rifle pellet under the cap on a tire will slowly let all of the pressure out? My nemesis does. His little hadjimobile made it nearly 30 meters on a flat before he stopped. Luck was in my favor again though, as I timed his flat tire to coincide with another day off!
(Floz Nietsnezolf doesn't have photoshop, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 5:41, 7 replies)

Eh?
What the fuck are you on about?
(Spaff_Quaffer Wise fwom your gwave., Fri 30 Apr 2010, 8:21, closed)

Took me a while,
but I got it.

(Note to OP. Wait till the temazepam wears off a bit before making a post)
( Piper Alpha is being a grumpy northerm bastard on:, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 8:38, closed)

I think it's saying that drink-driving
is WAY less of a shit thing to do then parking in the wrong space. Who'da thunk it?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 8:46, closed)

Not everyone carries air pistol pellets
My favourite is to take a match. Break it in half, and throw one half away. With the remaining half, break it again, but not all the way through so that you can bend it to make a V shape.

Now take off the dust cap. Push the bent match into the dust cap, so that the base of the V is pointing down.

Now replace the dust cap. The tyre will deflate.

When the car driver notices the flat, he takes it to a garage, inflates tyre, and replaces cap. Repeats ad infinitum. Nobody ever looks in the cap for a foreign body.

Resist the urge to do all four tyres as this makes it suspicious.

For a quick fix... just pour a bottle of brake-fluid over the bonnet.
( Piper Alpha is being a grumpy northerm bastard on:, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 8:36, closed)

I'm going to count how many times I have to say this during this QOTW.
... "or, you could man the fuck up, stop being such a pathetic passive-aggressive arse, accept that fact that parking in the wrong space (delete as applicable dependent on perceived sleight) is a crime somewhere lower in the scheme of things than dialing a wrong number, and politely ask the person concerned to not do it again?"

Twice so far, and I've only read about 10 posts. Place your bets, ladies and jellyspoons.

EDIT - although I will grudgingly admit that the matchstick thing is quite clever.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 8:52, closed)

I'm a cyclist
I don't give a flying one about car parking spaces.

But I do like ve-hick-el saboutage.
( Piper Alpha is being a grumpy northerm bastard on:, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 14:29, closed)

I'm cycling to work tomorrow
No parking, no petrol, no walk across a car park, just 10 minutes door-to-door. Good times.

Must remember to take off the bike clips this time.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 21:14, closed)