Well phrased
You're clearly able to express yourself, which will help. Always interesting to read someone else's experience. I, and several people close to me, have this horrible life-draining illness. Echoing others' comments, getting on the right meds (assuming you want to take them - some find the side-effects too much, or whatever. I think some people don't want to take them because they think - or rather, their depression causes them to think; that's how insidious it can be - they don't 'deserve' to feel better) is a lottery.
As for CBT, of all the talking treatments I tried it worked best and fastest, especially on my anxiety. Definitely good for automatic negative thinking. Try reading 'Mind Over Mood' to get an idea of what's involved. I know some criticise CBT as an ineffective quick-fix, but not everyone can, or wants to, devote 2+ years, at £50+ per time to full-on analysis.
All the best to anyone struggling - you may not get the right help for you the first time you ask for it, which can feel like a huge knockback after the huge effort of asking. Ask again, ask someone else, look online - the Mind website is a good place to start, but don't feel resigned to putting up with it.
(sarcastic fringehead feet of clay, buns of steel, head of lettuce, Tue 4 May 2010, 20:21, Reply)