Worzel Fucking Gummidge
When I was seven I went to see the Worzel Gummidge stage production at the Nottingham Playhouse. Having thoroughly loved it, I plucked up enough courage to wait by the stage door so I could get Worzel's autograph.

Jon Pertwee came storming out like some grumpy scarecrow cunt, barged past us kids whilst muttering "move away, don't crowd round" and went straight to his car, leaving wailing and disappointed children in his wake.

Thankfully Una Stubbs came out a couple of minutes later. What a lovely woman - not only did she sign my programme and told me that I must have very cold hands having waited outside for so long, but when she leaned forward to talk to me I copped an eyeful of a fabulous pair of unfettered norks.

So I'd like to proffer a big fat 'fuck you' to Pertwee who had been my Dr Who hero until then. Yes I know he's dead and won't listen, but its cathartic to get this out in the open after so many years.

I'd also like to proffer a big fat 'woo' to Stubbs, who helped get me into wanking at a very early age.
( sm.pl.crt.rs I don't fucking know, do I?, Sat 27 May 2006, 16:13, Reply)