My best friend
I find this story incredibly hard to tell because I get choked up by it quite alot and still have a massive sense of guilt over it.

Back to Christmas 2003 I was 3 months married and was going through a rough time, I had just been promoted at work to a manager and was taking a 2 hour journey on the bus from Bradford to Wakefield 5 days a week setting off at 6am and not getting in until 8pm all this is going on whilst I am finally realising that I wasn't a bad parent at all and I was being gently brought around to the fact that my son had some sort of social and communication disorder (later diagnosed as Autism), because of this my husband and I never ever went out together, we had many nights out on our own but never together. A few days after Christmas my father in law calls us and says that there is a New Years Eve party at the golf club and we should come, I declined at first saying that we couldn't leave the boy but then my own dad popped his head around the door and said that we should go and he and my mum would cope. So the night rolled around and I am sat in front of the mirror curling my hair and making myself feel a bit human and feeling very excited when the phone rings. It was my best friend, we had known each other for years and were really close to each others families and until we both left our homes we practically lived between my parents and her mums. we did the usual hi how are you stuff and then she said "what are you doing tonight?" I told her all about my night out, she asked me lots of questions like what I was wearing, told me I needed the night out etc and all the while I could hear things didn't sound right with her so I asked what was wrong and she said nothing, and that her and our other friends night had fallen through so they were just going to stay in cause she was tired anyway. Knowing this friend so well I didn't worry too much as she was always a bit grumpy when she was tired. I put the phone down and finished getting ready for what was to be one of the greatest nights out I had ever had, we drank far too much and then we were called outside by everyone only to see that it had been snowing very heavily and it felt so special and christmassy. The evening came to an end and the taxi's had stopped because of the snow and we were stuck in Huddersfield needing to get back to Bradford, so one kind chap who had remained sober piled a good fair few of us into his minibus and braved the short but snowcovered motorway trip to Bradford dropping us all off at the petrol station at the end of the motorway. My parents only live down the road so Mr Sp@m and I set off walking 3am in the snow down my mum and dad mile long hill. We were very very merry and decided to roll a snowball as far as we could, we must have got it to nearly 4ft tall (unbeknownst to me whilst trying to push this 4ft snowball and pissed out of my head I was actually 4 week pregnant oops) , cars were passing and people were waving at us falling over in the snow and laughing, we even stayed up until 4.30am building a snowman in my mum and dads garden (I know I know childish but fun).

Anyway I have gone way off track here but I always tell it like this because thinking of the night out makes everything seem easier to deal with.

The next morning I eventually woke up with virtually no hangover but we decided to stay at my mum and dads and chill out in our pyjamas for the rest of new years day. About 5pm I decided to ring my friend from the night before and tell her of my awesome night and see if she had decided to go out in the end at all. So I picked up the phone and dialled the number and our other friend answered, I asked if my friend was there and she said no and that she had gone to her mums with her grandma and aunty I said "ohh is her aunty and grandma up from London I didn't know they were coming, I'm going to go over and see them" I was all cheerful as you do and then my friend went quiet on the phone and said "Oh Sam its awful, she didn't tell you did she?" I said "tell me what?" then I was informed that her mum had collapsed and died the previous morning (she was 46 and it was totally unexpected) and she had rang me the night before to tell me but she didn't because she didn't want to spoil my night. I was devastated.

I find it quite hard to deal with to this day I feel guilty about not being there for her and after a while I think I was a little bit angry with her for not telling me but then I realised that's just again me feeling guilty. At the one time she probably really needed me the most she selflessly sacrificed it because she thought that my night out was something she didn't feel she could take away from me. She told me never to look upon that night with sadness and if anything turn it into a celebration of her mum. And that's what my best friend did for me. *cries a bit*

*edit*Christ that's long.
( Mrs Sp@m, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:43, 9 replies)

great story
well told
( BadBadman saw an incorrect comma placement on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:02, closed)

nice story - have a click
 
( bluemeat has been best of all the animals since, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:05, closed)

She is wonderful.
I think the guilt will pass if you find yourself doing something similar for someone else. (Not that I'm wishing any bad luck on you of course)

My housemates and I thought my friend was a bit odd because he'd turn up at random times during the first weeks of our first term at university, sit in our kitchen and not say very much. I would witter on to fill the silences, talking about various nights out and winge about my family.

Finally he said to me (whilst I was mid rant about my mum) "at least you have one". Which stopped me in my tracks.

He told me how 2 weeks before coming to uni his mum had died of a brain tumor and he was finding it hard to cope. He didn't really get on with his housemates and would walk miles to our house for someone to hang out with and distract him.

Immediately I felt guilty for all the comments about my mum, and afterward would kick myself for saying anything related to death. Throwaway things like "I could have died" for an embarrassing story, or "I could have killed him" about an annoying person, had me cringing and feeling guilty for days.

His behaviour got more unsettled - he got very drunk at a party he'd not been invited to, threw up in my room, then howled in his sleep which woke up most of the house. I could have told them the full story but I knew that they'd all have to feel the same pangs of guilt when they said something a bit thoughtless or mentioned their mums. Instead I edited the story down, saying that he wasn't settling in very well at uni and that we should try and make him feel as welcome as possible.

After that he settled in to uni life very well, and although I still watched what I said when I was around him, I feel glad that I didn't pass on any of that angst to my other friends.

After writing all this I'm not sure whether it's relevant, but it was a little cathartic - so I'm not going to delete it.

*Hugs* anyway
( e.m.m.y. foxtrot uniform charlie kilo india tango, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:45, closed)

Don't delete it
it's lovely that you went you went out of your way to help someone you should feel very proud of it.
( Mrs Sp@m, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:50, closed)

*says nothing*
*just gives you massive cuddles*
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:25, closed)

Hugs
for everyone.

Y'know, it is often our friends' greatest pleasure to take care of us in our pain, even in their own. Makes things easier to bear, all round.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 20:55, closed)

This ^^ is very true.
Sometimes it can take your own pain away to help others with theirs.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Sat 4 Oct 2008, 5:55, closed)

this week
thanks to the qotw this week another story that has had me sobbing like a baby
have a click
:)
(brocky, Sat 4 Oct 2008, 20:26, closed)

*sniffs*
*clicks*
*hugs*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Oct 2008, 13:21, closed)