"There's been another 'toilet casualty'"

groan

These were not the words I was looking forward to as I returned to my poky room in a university hall of residence. The one thing that made New Hall stand out above all the other halls at my university was that it had an en-suite shower and toilet. A great advantage for most people but for me, my own personal toilet was just another place for my clumsy girlfriend to knock things into.

She looked into my eyes trying to be cute before realising I wasn't in the mood.

"What the fuck have you permanently soiled now?"

"Erm..."

I breathe in deeply realising that I suppose it's better that she confesses to the error rather than let me continue to use my toothbrush/teaspoon/remote control/coffee mug*.

"It's your lipbalm."

I'm glad that men don't carry handbags (or manbags) but I always try to shop for trousers with generous pockets that can cope with my essential items. Whenever I leave the house I will, without fail, always be carrying: wallet, keys, coins, Orbit Spearmint and finally, my lipbalm. I have thick, pouty lips and I need lipbalm to keep them moisturised and healthy.

"Nevermind, but you're buying me a bloody replacement."

"No you don't understand. It was the cherry cola one."

"Doooooooo. Nooooooooooot. Waaaaaaaaaaaant."

Of all the lipbalms I have ever tried none were quite as nice as the Avon Christmas catalogue special purchased for me by my sister (it had a snowman on it with a cherry nose :) After trying to find a replacement for the one slowly dwindling stick I possessed I realised that I was going to have to savour what little was left and use it only for special occasions. By destroying the irreplaceable, my girlfriend knew she had failed badly and felt suitably ashamed.

Fast forward 7 years to today, literally this very Saturday. I awoke to find a parcel from my sister, the one she phoned about yesterday.

"It's just a little something I saw and I thought of you. Don't get too excited it's nothing special." said my big sis.

"OK then cheers, I'll look forward to that then."

I was secretly dreading it would be an item of clothing or worse - something cluttery that would take up space in my house.

I opened the tiny package this morning to find an official Coca-Cola Cherry flavour lipbalm. Yayness! Not the nicest thing someone has ever done for me but certainly the most recent nice thing. Much appreciated as I walk down the road away from the searing depression of heartbreak back towards happiness, moving ever closer to the day I can shave off my beard of woe and return to my clean-shaven, rugged good looks.

To be honest, I'm getting sick of my friends commenting on facebook pictures of me saying I look like Chad fucking Kroeger.

* - no really, she was a complete disaster. When we lived together I literally enforced a ban on her having glasses of water in the bedroom - she was that Clouseau-esque.
( djtrialprice, Sat 4 Oct 2008, 21:34, 12 replies)

Having met you.
I can see why your a coca cola flavoured lipbalm sort of a guy.
( girlinthehole, Sat 4 Oct 2008, 22:04, closed)

Some men
are Marlboro Red men. Some are Carling Black Label men. But only the chosen few are destined to be men with Coca-Cola lips.

Yet again I feel I've written another qotw answer that questions my manliness :(
( djtrialprice, Sat 4 Oct 2008, 22:14, closed)

Wait
so she dropped it down the toilet? Why was she standing in front of an open toilet?
(LickOutTheJamsMotherfuckers!, Sat 4 Oct 2008, 22:29, closed)

the toilet
stood next to the sink just in front of a large mirror. The seat must have been left up. Meh, she's clumsy.
( djtrialprice, Sun 5 Oct 2008, 12:33, closed)

I was wondering......
but the man-bag hating saved you :P

*click*
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Sun 5 Oct 2008, 1:37, closed)

cheers
neebor
( djtrialprice, Sun 5 Oct 2008, 12:34, closed)

You sound like a cunt.
Sorry, needed to be said.
(sorry., Sun 5 Oct 2008, 7:29, closed)

Oi! You!
Outside! Now!

*removes jacket, rolls up sleeves*
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:38, closed)

Lipsmackers
Is it the Lipsmackers one? I have that one, the Sprite one and the Fanta one...
(ToysForBigBoys would spread her legs for Nick Clegg., Sun 5 Oct 2008, 12:10, closed)

yep
that's the one
( djtrialprice, Sun 5 Oct 2008, 12:35, closed)

It's
flipping awesome :D
(ToysForBigBoys would spread her legs for Nick Clegg., Sun 5 Oct 2008, 16:40, closed)

Pawpaw ointment
If you have any friends in Oz get them to pick up a tube of pawpaw ointment (red tube) for you to try out. It is the dogs bollocks and I swear you will love it.
(Marmoset Bored bored bored of cnuting revision..., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:59, closed)