Breaking up is hard to do...
Yesterday, my wife and I decided that we would finally split up after being together 12 years and married for 8. It's been coming for a long time where we haven't been getting on with each other and spend all our time bickering and arguing over the silliest of things. With 2 little 'uns aged 6 & 2, it's not a good atmosphere for them to brought up in. It was starting to affect them as we'd take out our shitty moods and arguments on them by being less patient and tolerant and shouting at them for the silliest things.
It's a strange situation as we still love each other as best mates and hopefully always will - we just can't live with each other as husband and wife.

Yesterday was the worst day of my life. Having to sit down and tell the kids was something that wil unfortunately live with me forever. The 2 yr old didn't and doesn't understand but seeing your 6 yr old daughter literally crumple in front of you is an image I'll always live with.

My family has been amazing throughout all this. Although they have all been suprised by the news, nobody was really shocked.

My Gran died about 8 months ago and her house has been empty since - no buyers on the market because of the credit crunch. Straight away my Mum and Dad agreed that I could move in and between them, my brother and sister we've got the place looking homely already. My wife insisted that I take the youngest's bed so they will always have a room here (the eldest has bunk beds so they can both kip in there).

My sister came round last night with a bottle of vodka and ordered an Indian. Food has been the last thing on my mind but I managed to hold down a little bit. She held me when I completely broke down and let me cry as long as I wanted without saying anything.

My brother has helped me move some furniture in today on his only day off in 2 weeks, then offered to take me out for food and beer tonight without getting pissed off when I turned him down as I'm really not up to it.

Mum and Dad have done the full parenting thing by stocking up the cupboards and bringing all sorts of stuff round. Also leaving money where they knew I would find it as I'm too stubborn to accept any off them.

My wife (can't call her anything else at the minute) insisted that I spend the afternoon with the girls to involve them, sorted out boxes of toys to bring round here so they'd know it's another home to them. She then cooked a full Sunday dinner and insisted I stayed for it (and understanding when I left most of it) and then made sure I stayed to help get the girls bathed and put them to bed.

So that's the nicest thing people have done for me - just been there when I needed them most. It's still the worst time of my life but knowing that they will do what they can to help me makes me realise how lucky I am.

Edit - thanks for all the kind and supportive replies and messages. Today was the first day since it all happened that I have felt positive about the future. We would try counselling if we thoguht it would do any good, but we both know there is nothing there between us. Hugs back to everyone who sent them my way and here's to the future.
(brocky, Sun 5 Oct 2008, 19:37, 8 replies)

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Its good that it was on equal terms with no bitterness between you. It will obviously be hard at 1st but as long as you both remain friends then both of your futures will benefit from this as you clearly think that this is the best thing for both of you and for your children. It would be better for them to grow up with parents that may not be together but are still happy with each other than in a tense, argumentitve household.

I wish you all the luck in the world :)
(i should have joined myspace, Sun 5 Oct 2008, 19:53, closed)

le hugs
(tweebianmonkey Should be known as Widget, Sun 5 Oct 2008, 20:05, closed)

Putting the kids first,
well done, it will be OK.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sun 5 Oct 2008, 20:15, closed)

*hugs*
Really sad for you.
(G-Lo, Sun 5 Oct 2008, 23:07, closed)

Bad times... :(
You'll get through it... keep the emotions flowing and don't bottle anything up.

*hugs*
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Sun 5 Oct 2008, 23:46, closed)

*hugs*, brocky, just hugs
I'm on divorce number 2, no kids, but kudos to you and your wife (and it's ok to still say that - it's been 7 months and I'm still saying soon to be ex hubby) for putting the kids first.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 3:17, closed)

wow
i can really sympathise, but it seems you have a good setup already. Children are massively resiliant, as long as they get lots of hugs and love, and their parents dont argue infront of them.

Good luck. In 6 months, once youve found a routine, youll be 100% happier!
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:00, closed)

Have you tried counselling?
It can and does help sometimes. There is help out there and being good friends is as good as place as any to start off some discussions. You just need a professional around sometimes to mediate things. I split with my wife and looking back I really think there were things we should have done.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:23, closed)