Murder on the Dancefloor
Ah, student night. An excuse for our local shambles of a nightclub to rip off a new set of customers, this time to a jangly indie soundtrack in what could only be described as a bomb shelter under a multi-storey car park. In Bracknell.

"Two pints of bitter, please"

"We don't do bitter"

"Right, two pints of lager, please"

"We don't do pints"

"Oooookay... two bottles of pils, then"

"Ten quid"

Disgusted at the prices behind the bar, we decided to throw some shapes on the dancefloor to see if we could impress any passing young ladies.

Sadly, the only lady of any description was the local fat goth, in a black leather dress made out of at least half a dozen cows. She'd do.

A request for The Smiths got me dancing like a spastic passing a magnet factory to This Charming Man (a song that invites dancing like a spastic passing a magnet factory) in my ...err... rather unique style that resembles the moving parts at a wind farm.

It was this exact moment that the captain of the college rugby club (a huge rugger-bugger with a double-barrelled surname) took out a small mortgage for a round of drinks, and carried the entire tray across the dance floor to the rest of his equally beefy chums.

Despite the music being around 150 decibels, you should still hear the "SPA-A-A-N-G-G-G!" as my windmilling arms swiped the tray out of his arms and showered him with the most expensive lager known to man.

Time stood still.

Then he punched me in the face.

Then he punched me in the face.

Then, by way of variety, he kneed me in the groin, before punching me in the face again.

Mozza sang on about not having a stitch to wear, and the fat goth laughed.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Wed 8 Apr 2009, 13:05, 10 replies)

Ahahaha!
You have just been clicked
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Wed 8 Apr 2009, 13:07, closed)

And I was that fat goth...
You must've been shitfaced, mate.

Great post! More like this this week would be fucking lovely!
( SpankyHanky, Wed 8 Apr 2009, 13:08, closed)

You lie.
Goths don't laugh.
( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Apr 2009, 13:08, closed)

My sister was a skinny goth
...and she was always laughing. At me, mostly.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Wed 8 Apr 2009, 13:19, closed)

I've got to give you a click
On its own "dancing like a spastic passing a magnet factory" is worth it.
(zebby wasting irony here on, Wed 8 Apr 2009, 13:32, closed)

That....
....is a first page winner!

Has me giggling straight into the Easter weekend. Thank you Mr Duck, I doff my Easter cap in your direction!
( Evil Bastardo, Thu 9 Apr 2009, 17:00, closed)

The Drum?
Scary place. You get a click for entering and coming back out alive.
(mmmm curry doesn't really understand this sig lark, Thu 9 Apr 2009, 20:39, closed)

It wasn't called The Drum back then
Something with an apostrophe s on the end.

Wanker's, I think.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Fri 10 Apr 2009, 12:26, closed)

Heheh nice!

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 13 Apr 2009, 8:13, closed)

Ummm....
Magnet factory? Wind farm?


Clickety clicks! :)
(Billyfindus Shy and retarded since, Tue 14 Apr 2009, 12:47, closed)