Nights Out Gone WrongIn celebration of the woman who went out for a quiet drink with friends after work, and ended up half naked, kicking a copper in the nads and threatening to smear her own shit over hospital staff, how have your best-laid plans ended in woe?
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chthonic, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 16:02)
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Samsung Buckets I had just travelled from Oz to Thailand to meet a friend. First destination after checking out the delights of the Koh San road was Cambodia. After an amazing but endurance testing trip (Ankor Wat is amazing), we decided we needed to change the pace of the trip and headed to one of Thailand’s many tropical islands in search of adventure
Now not knowing a great deal about the best ones, in our ultimate wisdom we ended up in a place called Ko Samed. Now for those of you that aren’t familiar with this place, half the Island is dedicated to drinking and the other half relaxing, we ended up in the drinking part obviously.
Generally we were surrounded by over aggressive Israelis, who travel as well as piles on a bumpy road, as well as the dregs of European society. Now I have nothing against Israel at all but if you have spent x amount of years doing national service you tend to be a bit of a cunt when you are let loose on society.
Now I haven’t explained the massive 11hr journey to this place. It started with getting up really early and not having time for a shit, so my travelling buddy recommends some Imodium. It works but by the time I get there I take the biggest shit I have ever undertaken. A shit that was all the colours of the brown rainbow, due to not having shat properly in two days, during this shitting marathon I also managed to piss all over my trousers, as in my haste I hadn’t taken into account that shitting in what is essentially a glorified whole in the ground is not going to catch the piss.....So the night started well. I would love to tell you that I changed those trousers....But that would be a lie. I have never sweated so much taking a dump, I was literally drenched with piss (only a few drops...honest) and sweat but gladly relieved.
Anyway back to the night in question. We headed down to the open air bar with steely determination that many drinks were going to get downed that night. Little did I/we realise that we would be almost paralytic after only one. Now not totally comfortable with Thai culture, we ordered something called a Samsung bucket. Now here is the 2nd mistake of the evening.
“Two Samsung Buckets please”
2 minutes later the drinks arrive....Picture a champagne bucket full of what only can be described as river water, however the exact mix, from what I remember, was 1/3 coke , 1/3 Thai red bull and 1/3 Samsung whiskey and the best bit, which was six straws strategically placed all around both buckets. So the penny finally dropped, we were drinking enough alcohol to fell a small elephant. As we were drinking with an Merican we had to show him the way we rolled here in the UK and he watched us drink them both through raised eyebrows......What followed next was memory loss mixed with a few moments of clarity.
- Somehow managing to offend some Thai women....Probably with the smell of piss but most likely our clumsy sexual advances and the smell of piss
-Also managed to offend the Merican we were drinking with. My friend has a habit of American baiting that can be quite annoying but in my pissed state I didn’t rein him in.
-Finding my mate in another bar on the Island, talking to a barman about how great Vietnam was and not what he expected. That’s because you’re in Thailand you nutter, the barman later explained to me that he thought he might implode if he told him where he was, as he was talking about Vietnam for a good 20 minutes before I found the fool/tool.
-Trying to hijack the DJ’s equipment by barging him out the way and link up our MP3 players. Got kicked out of that bar.
-Generally arguing with anyone who had the mis-fortune to cross our paths, even Israel’s finest were avoiding us.
-Watching and rescuing my mate from being taken home by a lardy boy.
-Stopping my mate from getting a slap from a Canadian who he had offended by accusing his country of producing shit music....My mate had a point there.
-Thought we were 10 miles from our beech hut, only to wash up next to it in the morning. So what we thought was an epic trip through many beeches and rainforests was actually a trip of about 1 meter.
Anyway be warned kids because that was supposed to be the fun bit. The next day I can honestly say was the worst day of my life. Paralysed by alcohol the only choice we had was to lie in our little beech hut getting bitten by mosquito’s ten times the size of our little ones and our suffering was only punctuated by frequent trips to boke our guts up, whilst trying to avoid people we may have 'spoken' to that evening.
(, Mon 28 Mar 2011, 14:52, 32 replies)
A fat lady boy ;)(, Mon 28 Mar 2011, 15:00, closed)
nearlyit's Sang Som, and you don't wanna touch that shit, it's bad for you
www.sangsomrum.com/home.htm
have a click for your misfortune
(, Mon 28 Mar 2011, 16:06, closed)
Yeah that's the shitThey almost make it sound classy but it makes me wanna boke just by looking at it, hehe
(, Mon 28 Mar 2011, 16:16, closed)
maybe trysang som
(, Mon 28 Mar 2011, 16:07, closed)
doh.
(, Mon 28 Mar 2011, 16:07, closed)
Couldn't remember the name of itSo googled it and almost everyone was saying Samsung. Although I was sure it wasn't called that. Research fail.
(, Mon 28 Mar 2011, 16:13, closed)
I was considering"man goes abroad and acts like a tool" ... but "lightweight" will do.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 28 Mar 2011, 17:32,
closed)
I'm all for compromise.How about "lightweight goes abroad and acts like a tool"?
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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 28 Mar 2011, 20:40,
closed)
Due To the nature of this question, I was never going to write -
I went abroad, my mate was funny and we all had a bloody good laugh!!
The end.
To be honest it was amazing that we were standing at all.So lightweight? Ouch that internet hurt, next your accuse me of having bad hair.
(, Tue 29 Mar 2011, 9:21, closed)
I'm not sure how I would draw any conclusions about your hair from that story.But people who turn into feeble tools after a fizzy rum cocktail certainly sound like lightweights.
Do you have bad hair? I can make disparaging remarks about your hair if you like? Does it turn into a dick when it sniffs an empty barrel?
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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 29 Mar 2011, 11:05,
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I'm Just making the point that, if you haven't gone drinking with me you wouldn't know if I was a lightweight or not, just the same as you haven't seen my hair you wouldn't know if it's bad or not. I didn't think i'd have to explain that to such an internet tour de force.
(, Tue 29 Mar 2011, 11:22, closed)
Quite so. Quite so.I just leapt to that entirely unreasonable conclusion on the basis that your original story tells of how you sipped a fizzy rum cocktail and turned into a cliché brit abroad dickwash. My apologies.
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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 29 Mar 2011, 12:08,
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Dr Shambolic 1Mr aRROW 0
chortle
XD
(, Tue 29 Mar 2011, 12:29, closed)
Pfft Grow up mate.
(, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 9:31, closed)
Easy now.He's not the one who supped a tourist cocktail and turned into a dick.
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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 10:24,
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Yeah I wish I had 'sipped' a fizzy rum cocktail but I downed a bucket of the shit....You really must pay more attention Shambo. It makes your conclusions flawed. Acting like a dick abroad, yeah, i'll take the hit on that one. I think the problem really occurs when you think your out of character actions were perfectly acceptable.
(, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 9:29, closed)
Everybody downs those buckets. They're the standard cocktail doled out to every burnt-faced forrin who swaggers into a thai beach bar. The difference is that most burnt-faced forrins aren't complete lightweights.
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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 10:26,
closed)
Either youhaven't been to this location or you're talking out of your arse, nobody stumbles into these bars and orders the buckets to themselves. In fact in the whole 6 months I was there I didn't see anyone downing one to themselves. But I realise your talking out of your arse for comic effect, so as you were.
(, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 10:33, closed)
Good oneBut the fact still remains.
(, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 11:24, closed)
Try one first and then have an opinion.
(, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 12:12, closed)
Too repetitiveD+ must try harder.
(, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 13:12, closed)
Ummm ... you asked for my opinion.My opinion hasn't changed. The more often you ask for it, the more often it will be repeated.
My opinion is that you are a lightweight.
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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 13:17,
closed)
haha Now this is funny, since when did anyone on here ever ask for your opinion? You're welcome to give it but I didn't ask you for one. You're calling me a lightweight (fair enough), i'm calling bullshit..End of.
(, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 14:04, closed)
"Try one first
and then have an opinion."
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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 14:22,
closed)
I bet you nursed it like a girlBut regardless of whether or not Sang Som (which does produce a "speedy" drunk) or the Thai Red Bull contains amphetamines, the fact remains the Thai Bucket is so goddamn potent it is guaranteed to get you riled-up retarded. With two bottles of Red Bull, a bottle of Coca-Cola and a small bottle of Sang Som, topped with ice and a few straws, it is enough for a few people to share or for one bold bastard to get unmercifully blasted.
If i'm a bold bastard what does that make you?*
*Assuming you are telling the truth about trying one.
(, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 15:11, closed)
I prefer Bold bastard personally.
(, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 17:38, closed)
ah, my sweet compromisewhere would we be without you?
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 29 Mar 2011, 10:51,
closed)
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