Dogs dinner
As a teenage he-pigeon, I once came back late to the family home one night, stopped via the kitchen to drink the traditional pint of liquid before heading to bed (pissing like a racehorse preferable to a dehydrated hangover), only to be stopped in my tracks by the sight of some worryingly familiar looking pieces of crumpled paper underneath the kitchen table.

The dog had been through my bedroom waste-paper basket, and had found a weeks worth of knotted condoms cunningly wrapped in said crumpled paper by way of disguise. As was her custom, the dog had taken her prize back to the kitchen, where she had proceeded to shred the paper and its slimy semen filled contents all over the rug underneath the table.

I can only hope that nobody saw the mess before I had the chance to clean it up. I don't really want to think about what my parents reaction would have been, sitting down to dinner and squelching their feet on my tattered spunk bags...
(he-pigeon, Mon 31 Jan 2011, 5:45, 2 replies)

Posh wank or sex with a girl?

(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 31 Jan 2011, 9:10, closed)

The one piece of wisdom my maths teacher at school did actually manage to impart to me*
1. remove condom.
2. go to bathroom
3. Fill condom about 2/3 of the way with water. Do not tie it up.
4. Flush bog.
5. As bog is in full flow, drop condom in.

Has never failed.




* If this was QI, there would be claxons going off for what you immediately thought. No, there was no practical demonstration.
( Not Pineapple anymore, Mon 31 Jan 2011, 9:31, closed)