This takes me back... again...
In 1984 I was working in a shoemakers shop. Business was bad, so I dressed up as an elf and stayed up all night making the finest pair of shoes you have ever seen. We sold them the next day for £1,000,000 to the king of an African tribe. However, the soles wore through within a fortnight. The African king brought them back after he trod in a puddle, complaining that the soles were made out of chewed up tissue papaer and Bourneville chocolate. The boss (a pre-lost boys Keiffer Sutherland) told the African king to clear off as the shoes were sold as seen. It was at this point that he noticed that the shoes were a cut and shut.

The next day, he returned with his witch-doctor who started a ritual dance to put a curse on us. Luckily I was still dressed as an elf so I had a shot-gun with me. I carefully took aim, shouted "Look at me! I'm Michael Caine in Zulu!" and blew both their heads off.

We used their hides to make three more sets of shoes for elephants, which naturally sold instantly for a further £1,000,000 a set.

And what did I get for Christmas that year? Nothing. Not even a card. Mind you, a few days later I had raped, killed and eaten his wife.

Good days... good days...
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 16 Dec 2004, 17:29, Reply)