Hahaha it does actually
Gold Star 4 is a Ballroom qualification, sort of akin to piano grade 10 or whatever (it's the 10th such exam we've taken, I have no idea of how many grades there are)

Our competition is in Brentwood. Essex. ESSEX.

Morning sir, how are you today?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 10:27, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Essex? Eek. Well I suppose the locals will already have plenty of fake tan on.
So what dances will you be performing? What are your chances of winning?

I'm very well ta. It is our Gala Day this weekend, and my daughter is in the pageant. As a result I have to decorate the front of my house. Hence I was out in the garden painting by torchlight at 11pm last night.

Sunday I'm playing cricket. A cup game, and we're on a bit of a losing streak. A win against our local rivals may kick start our season nicely. A defeat will have us plummetting into despair, obviously.

So what else are you up to?
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 10 Jun 2011, 10:31, Reply)

What does the Gala Day consist of?
Do I have it right that your daughter is 11? Is she crapping herself, ro does she have her father's penchant for enjoying things rather than fretting pointlessly a la moi?

We'll be doing Waltz, Quickstep, Cha Cha Cha and Jive. I'm confident we'll be one of the four or five best couples in our category, but have absolutely fuck all chance of winning because competitions are shot to fuck with corruption and judges playing favourites. This one is particularly bad in that respect, hence the aforementioned dread.

Sunday we're going to Bewilderwood with the missus' extended family, including her sister who lives in New Zealand and her two young kids, one of whom we're all yet to meet. Could go one of two ways, frankly.

Best of luck in the cricket, sir. Lad and GF playing?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 10:39, Reply)

Gala Day is a big village thing round these parts
A pageant, crowning of the Gala Queen, a parade down the High Street, followed by a fun fair type thing. Basically everyone turns out to watch, then disappears down the boozer for a bit and then there will be an outbreak of spontaeous drunken BBQs all over the place.

Yes she's 11. She doesn't have a speaking part, but her and her classmates will all be dressed up in beautiful white dresses, hair done, all that kind of carry on.

Oh I didn't know that about the judging. Presumably all the judges are not only bent, but also er...bent? Perhaps you could try to er...sway their vote? I'm not sure where I'm going with this....

I have to say that I don't like the Quickstep. It looks like an awful lot of hard work, but I can't get over the fact that the participants look like ponies trying to gallop round doing tricks. Is it just me?

No places for the boy and the GF in the team this Sunday. The lad is at the ex's this weekend, and as it's a cup game the GF has not been selected. We have 'the big guns' out.

What is Bewilderwood? Never heard of it.

I've just had a cake for a colleague's birthday, and I'm feeling rather chipper now.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 10 Jun 2011, 10:51, Reply)

I'm not sure what Bewilderwood is either mate
It's local to here and is set in a wood, I think. The missus' sister has organised a big family outing for her birthday, and she's my age so I assume it's OK. Must be kid-friendly too as we'll have children of 11, 6, 3 and 2 with us. Like I say, could really go one of two ways!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 11:02, Reply)

OK, so it's in a wood in Norfolk, and it's family oriented?
This doesn't bode well.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 10 Jun 2011, 11:05, Reply)

Hahaha
I'll let you know if I hear banjos
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 11:11, Reply)