best retard injury
when much younger, trying to be a hero (as so often happens prior to these tales) i tried to run, and in a single magnificent bound, leap from the floor onto the stage in this old theatre we were using for some kind of choir-related activity.
i sprung, like a fucking hard-as-nails panther, into the air, my foot perfectly onthe edge of the 4 foot high stage, and smugly arose one-footed to a standing position.
IN THEORY.
in practice, i ran, jumped, put a foot against the stage edge, my leg failed to provide the proper support, and i flopped forward, somehow managing to KNEE MYSELF IN THE FUCKING EYE. i cried. other laughed. i looked like a twat.

ALT: gazza, so i could ru round with a fishing rod and some lager shouting 'MOATY! MOATY MATE!' all. fucking. day. long.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 4 May 2012, 12:45, 1 reply, 13 years ago)

My mate Stu who used to work here had a "special move" of pulling the phone away from your head
whilst you were on it. You naturally pull back, at which point he left go
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 4 May 2012, 12:47, Reply)

Fucking genius.
I'm stealing that.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:02, Reply)

It annoyingly works ALL THE FUCKING TIME
and you are on the phone to someone and so cannot shout "CUNT!"
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:06, Reply)