People should pay for their transport by a combination of weight and width
Then, and only then, is your fat fucking arse allowed to spread across two seats.

Until you pay more than me, don't act like a miserable prick when I don't make allowances for the fact that you are shovelling fistfuls of Quavers from a grab bag into your greasy, sweaty ill looking face while trying to fit two spacehopper sized thighs under the table.

Alt: I think there should be a massive waterslide from the top of The Shard to my back door. And then a highspeed cable car for my own personal use back in the other direction.

AltAlt: Probably. I'm jealous.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 9 May 2012, 11:11, 2 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Barclays customers already have this

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 9 May 2012, 11:13, Reply)

Anyone who's too wide to fit in the seat should be made to run behind the train until they meet the required standard
I'd go so far as to staple a pizza to the back of the train as an extra incentive.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 9 May 2012, 11:13, Reply)

Good planning

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 9 May 2012, 11:14, Reply)

The spectator comedy value would entice more people to use trains.
Or at least watch them go by, pursued by a queue of waddling fattehs parodying The Benny Hill Show.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 9 May 2012, 11:15, Reply)

I'm already picturing the pile up every time the train stops unexpectedly.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 9 May 2012, 11:16, Reply)

Every station tannoy would play "Yakkety Sax" as trains go through.

(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 9 May 2012, 11:17, Reply)