Here's a handy recipe.
Employ a gardener who can also service the wife when you're not in the mood
Instruct gardener to grow tomatoes
Make irrelevant gag about axing your deaf butler to sack your cook
Have aforementioned cook chop up aforementioned tomatoes
Then have them put them on a baking tray and into a slow cooker for 14 years
Read the complete works of Anthony Trollope
Take tomatoes from slow cooker
Drizzle with something expensive in French that will completely distort the taste
Look around to discover your family has left you and that you will die alone and broken, albeit with homemade ketchup

Die alone and broken
(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 21:09, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Is this mic on?

(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 21:40, Reply)

No.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 21:51, Reply)

NO

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 21:53, Reply)

No?

(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 22:02, Reply)

Yes

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 22:03, Reply)