I would cut my own cock off for one night with Natalie Portman.
Which would lend an air of ironic tragedy to the event. Something I am well familiar with, sex-wise.
( Kroney, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:40, 2 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

OK I've arranged it all for you.
Just cut your cock off and then tomorrow night she's all yours.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:42, Reply)

I bet you're tweeting her right now.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:46, Reply)

One of the managers from our local cineworld looks like Natalie portman.
I actually did a double take when I saw her.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:45, Reply)

You lucky, lucky bastard.
If I had a Natalie Portman look-a-like working near me, I would be stalking the fuck out of that shit.
( Kroney, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:50, Reply)

She works on a tuesday, that's all I know.
I didn't even manage to read her name badge.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:51, Reply)

this answers many questions

(quintsy, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:52, Reply)

I think you and I should suggest ways Kroney can get it on with the cineworld manager.
I think he should come to watch a film, and try to get a refund on one of his two tickets and say it's because his supermodel fiance has just died in a car crash.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:03, Reply)

Can I not just offer to buy her a slush puppy and one of those suggestive hot dogs they have?

( Kroney, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:08, Reply)

she gets staff discount kroney, she don't need your dollar
think t through, mate
(quintsy, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:09, Reply)

Haha sorry Quints, thank God you're around to talk me out of these stupid ideas.

( Kroney, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:11, Reply)

Go dressed as a ballerina,

(PsychoChomp, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:11, Reply)

Wear a V for vendetta mask and offer to shave her head.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:12, Reply)

What's the one where Portman plays a lap dancer?
I could go in a skintight silver onesie and a pink wig
( Kroney, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:13, Reply)

tie her to a pillar and charge her while riding a rhinoceros

(quintsy, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:13, Reply)

Get your big-nosed friend to write her poems and love letters on your behalf.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:15, Reply)

dress as a viking with a hammer, and off to hang her pictures up

(quintsy, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:20, Reply)

Or since he's french,
he should turn up in a vest with a plant and ask her if she wants to avenge the death of her little brother.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:06, Reply)

Have you seen the director's cut of that film
Holy shit, it gets about ten times more creepy.
( Kroney, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:09, Reply)

Leon?
I haven't seen that film in years, does jean thingy shag porters in the shitpipes?
(quintsy, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:10, Reply)

There's a strong indication that he sleeps with her, yes.

( Kroney, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:12, Reply)

Does it cut to him wiping off on the curtains?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:12, Reply)