@PJM
As you asked so nicely:

1) People who finish a sentence with "innit?".
- we'll put them in a room with a computer that is programmed to say 'izzit?' in response to every 'innit'. The response time gets quicker and quicker and quicker until the person's head explodes due to a combination of rapid thinking and repetition.

2) Hazel Blears
- Bitten to death by rabid chipmunks? Shooting's to good for that one.

3) Westlife
- Oh, yes. But we shall shoot them in the knees, and then chain their ankles to a wall, leaving them each with a browning with one in the chamber and a hacksaw. We shall then pump 'Flying Without Wings', on repeat, in to the room. They can cut their chains, and then crawl on their ruined legs to turn the music off, in which case they're free, or they can just fucking shoot themselves and to the world a favour.

4) Gordon
- A Chelsea Smile, then thrown to the boars. Fucker.

5) Piers Morgan
- "Welcome to Piers' Got Talent! What, he hasn't? OK then, throw him to the Lions. And then kill the lions, we don't need their Piers-poo infectoing the ground."

6) Anyone caught buying those terrible weekly celeb tabloid magazines
- Shouldn't be much of a problem, none of those kinds of maga in Devilavia. But anyone caught smuggling them in will be dropped from a height of 10,000 feet, without a parachute, in a country with no haystacks.

7) Oh and the BBC exec who came up with "Celebrity Come Dancing".
- Due to the unique way the Devilavian TV service is funded by the stroking of kittens for cash, these people will be torn apart at the limbs by wild donkeys.

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( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 18 Jul 2008, 10:02, Reply)