thank you
for your replies, it was nice to read them. Initially I was embarrassed when I woke up and haven't been back until tonight.

I am currently been treated for depression yes (with fluoxetine), have chronic back pain for 6 years which affects my daily life to a large extent is the main reason, though I was diagnosed when younger but I thought it was just hormones. Runs in the family too, thankfully not the immediate family.

I need a project, my mind is not active enough and it causes me to overthink things, which doesn't help my depression. But I've no idea what kind of thing to do - I best found an blank slate for my ideas just after I hurt my back and designed a MMORPG, huge aspects of it. My mind was busy all the time and it felt good, felt like I was good at something. Of course despite my best efforts it came to nothing as I'm not in the gaming industry. What I would give to be in such a position again, to get paid for it. Just need a big project to pour my heart and soul into, I've worked my bollocks off before for stuff I've believed in and will do it again.

Perhaps it's just no idea where I'm going with life. Will be 6 years to get History honours degree by the time I'm finished (another two years due to part time), and while it's fine swimming along I wonder if I just need to break free and get a proper job, 40hr a week job. I've done it once and really enjoyed it, but had to go back to uni because it wasn't paying enough.

I need structure.

I need a change.

Thanks for being somewhere I can just type this out, I'm very aware of how I come across and am almost always good natured and very rarely get this personal/talk about myself. It's nice to have somewhere to vent my spleen and see how it reads.

Again, thanks for the replies, a couple in particular were great, not very good expressing myself but just, thanks.
(Lannes, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 3:58, Reply)