One morning when I was working at a small pub bed and breakfast thing,
I was on the breakfast shift, got all the equipment fired up, started cooking, ran out for a fag before the guests came down, and when I got back some bloke was in my kitchen cooking his own breakfast. I sort of stood there staring at him, he looked at me, said good morning and asked where the hash Brown's were.
It took me a minute to process, but I eventually said "sorry sir, this is a staff area" and he said, "oh, I know, but I'm a better chef than you so I thought you wouldn't mind."
" well, I do mind, it's not safe for guests to be here, and as a chef you should know about wearing appropriate clothing"
"oh, I'm not a professional chef, I cook as a hobby, I'm very good don't worry"
Then I got angry and killed him
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 1 Oct 2013, 7:33, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I'm glad you killed him, I admire your restraint. I would have raped him too.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 7:40, Reply)

I would've asked him to knock a breakfast up for me while he was there

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 8:11, Reply)

That's why you're fat.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 1 Oct 2013, 8:13, Reply)

I'M HUSKY

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 8:14, Reply)

Although I did eat quite a lot at the all you can eat breakfast buffet on sunday

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 8:18, Reply)

I love a good breakfast buffet.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 1 Oct 2013, 8:39, Reply)

Me too
Especially if there's the full complement of breakfasty goodness* - including black pudding.

*This description does not include baked beans.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 8:50, Reply)

baked beans are the shiznit and essential for a good breakfast
otherwise the toast is too dry.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 9:13, Reply)

This one was at the beefeater near Port Solent
It's actually pretty good.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 8:58, Reply)