My Vision of 2012
By DiT, aged 28 and a half.

~The Opening Ceremony~

The Stadium is dark. The crowd are hushed with anticipation.

A single shaft of light pierces the night, illuminating a figure in the centre of the stadium. It is none other than The Queen. She surveys the thousands of people around her with an imperious air.

"People of the world!" she cries "Let the games begin!"

She is swept away as we are shown the first presentation, entitled 'A British Friday Night'.

Women fall in to the stadium, drunk out of their minds. Big, bald guys roll in after them, their knuckles bloody from fighting. The congregate in the centre of the stadium, and bang down seven shots of sambucca.

At this point, in a moment of incredible choreography, they vomit in to a channel in the floor of the stadium, creating a glorious river of multi coloured alcholoic puke.

Meanwhile, pub doors and alleways are erected around the performance area, and if we look closely we can see the men and women dissipating, meeting together for a quick knee trembler out the back of Ahmeds Kebab House.

All of a sudden, there is a cry of "YOU FAACKIN' WAAANKAAAA!" and all of the men and women lay in to each other with abandon.

This is the end of the presentation.

As the detritus is swept away, a giant ship rises through the floor. It sails majestically through the river of vomit and - yes! - we can see dancing slaves on the deck of the ship - reflective of Britain's inexorable link with slavery in the past few hundred years.

We see a long line of unelected spongers we call royals, indiscriminately fucking and killing each other.

We have a choir of as many as can be bothered singing "Two World Wars and One World Cup.", followed by "England, England, England".

It's now time to light the flame of hope. But the Gas has been cut off. A student with a Zippo has to hold it above his head for two weeks.

Surely, this will be the best games of all time.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 8 Aug 2008, 13:51, Reply)