H&S Poem
You may think Health and Safety is a chore
But there’s no such thing as an accident anymore
I slipped on a wet floor & twisted my knee
So I will call one of those numbers from the TV

Staring at a screen and my eyes are all out of whack
I’m suing the company – how do you like that!
Trapped my hand in a door and it’s nasty and red
But I would have got more money if it had bled

A friend of mine hit his head on a low bar
He got enough money to buy a new car
One company’s H&S had a bit of a blunder
So now the employees are holidaying down under

I asked for a stapler and was simply told No
In case I drop it and staple my toe
My request for a pencil got a negative reply
In case I fell and stabbed it in my eye

My desk is devoid of anything pointy and evil
Is this continues I fear an upheaval
I’m told to sit straight and don’t hunch
So my spine doesn’t twist up and bunch

The office is covered in a sea of posters
We even have safety warnings wrote on the coasters
The accident book has burst at the seams
And the H&S policy is stacked to the beams

The staff are too scared to use the copying machine
In case they bend too far and burst their spleen
The kettle has been branded a dangerous object
And without the caffeine the staff are all wrecked

The office it seems has become a dangerous place
Where everyone has a lawyer just in case
Prowling the building as quiet as a tome
I think we’d all be better staying at home!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 21 Aug 2008, 15:44, Reply)