The BOAT founder is back
And allow me to have a little rant.

Today I had planned to spend another workday on Off Topic, annoying people with my BOATy awesomeness and entertaining my wonderful and everso sexual BOATfriends. But my cunt of a boss had other ideas. The big boss, who seems to be under the impression he is some kind of deity, decided that the records of 3 fucking THOUSAND students had to be edited by a 5pm deadline (he pulls deadlines out of his arse, just to sound important - proven by the fact he's now put this "deadline" back since a team of 10 people can't edit 3 thousand records in 6 hours.

So we each get around 600 students each to edit, on 3 pages of A3 in teeny tiny writing. I whizz through mine in about 3 hours, and with a sore back and square eyes, I go and stick it on big boss' desk. Then, as I get back to my desk, my boss pipes up.

"Oh, can you do these two pages for me as well? I've been stuck in a call."

So I do another 400. I dump them on the desk. By now it's 4pm - 30 minutes till I go home.

"Oh...Can you do this last one of mine? Sorry, I've not done many."

So by my reckoning, I spent all day editing the same little bit of information 1,200 times in a row.

So by now I'm fucked off. Then I go to catch my bus and it starts sleeting. Then the bus doesn't show (been in this job 7 weeks and NOT ONCE have I gotten home on time on a Friday thanks to a hateful bus company). The next one which turns up half an hour after is actually 15 minutes late so I spend 45 minutes freezing my man-tits off for it.

THEN the bus gets ground to a halt in a traffic jam ON THE FUCKING MOTORWAY, because this time of year Canterbury is stuffed full of soulless vermin who clog up every road, path and shop as they spend too much money on shitty presents for awful people who don't deserve anything.

So the bus clears the jam and by now I'm seething. I just want to get home, warm up, have food since I've not eaten since Thursday at around 4pm. But oh no. Next up, the bus gets stopped by 4 old ladies. Why? Because they want the bus driver to call them a taxi because their bus was late. Old people should be fucking exterminated.

So I get home, and manage to cheer myself up with a nice pizza and watching Buzzcocks which I Skyplussed last night (including footage of a 12 year old Simon Amstell doing an impression of Dame Edna). I wander upstairs, turn on my computer, come on here, and despite having waaay more likes than any other post on last weeks QOTW, despite forming my own band of super sexy heros, my fucking name is NOT in the newsletter.

To my boss - you are a cunt.
To Stagecoach buses - you are cunts, and your buses are mechano-cunts.
To old ladies - you are dried up cunts.

And breathe...

EDIT: Shit, ok, I WAS in the newsletter. Rob, I take it back. You are a sexy, hairy little love-blancmange and I want to make sweet sweet custard to you. Rawr.
(GONEism, Fri 21 Nov 2008, 20:05, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Poor BOATongism, cheer up.
*flashes boobs*





Could be worse. You could be on the BNP list.
( girlinthehole, Fri 21 Nov 2008, 20:09, Reply)

Can't
the BNP kill old people though? I read somewhere they could make old people's hips explode or something.
(GONEism, Fri 21 Nov 2008, 20:13, Reply)

Newslettered answers are based on length
They need to be short to mid length to fit in - if they put a long answer in, they cut a lot out.

Besides, being newslettered's no big deal (from someone who's never been newslettered in his life)
(Pavlov's Frog figures no-one really reads sigs anyway, Fri 21 Nov 2008, 20:15, Reply)

It bloody is to me
What else do I have in life? A good job? Good buses? A love of old people?

Eh, on the plus side I just found some coke Mentos in my bag. Speaking of which, if mint mentos and coke cause the coke to blow up, how come coke mentos don't instantly explode when they are created?
(GONEism, Fri 21 Nov 2008, 20:17, Reply)

@BOATongism.
You think too much.

I'm off for the night.

Relax and think of BOAT.

You know it makes sense.

Goodnight.
( girlinthehole, Fri 21 Nov 2008, 20:21, Reply)

Fiiiine
I'm going to sod off for a bath methinks. None of you needed to know that.
(GONEism, Fri 21 Nov 2008, 20:22, Reply)

Well, you'll always have BOAT
BTW, is it like the mornington crescent of memes or something?
(Pavlov's Frog figures no-one really reads sigs anyway, Fri 21 Nov 2008, 20:23, Reply)

but
your NAME is in the newsletter, isn't that good enough?
( ascorbate, Fri 21 Nov 2008, 20:23, Reply)

My name is in the newsletter?
Where?
(GONEism, Fri 21 Nov 2008, 20:23, Reply)

Oh christ yeah!
Bugger, I missed it! I retract my early statement.
(GONEism, Fri 21 Nov 2008, 20:26, Reply)

Why
can't I see it in the Newsletter?
I be dumb or blind or both.
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Fri 21 Nov 2008, 20:59, Reply)

He mentions
that people should read my ghost story before he quotes 3 others. Apparently he couldn't take the length of mine.
(GONEism, Fri 21 Nov 2008, 21:11, Reply)

and
i just managed to watch NMTB on youtube - that clip is wonderful. Why was he pretending to be dame edna? why?
( ascorbate, Fri 21 Nov 2008, 21:26, Reply)