There's a very small baby in my office
And it's crying, of course. All the women are crowded around saying "isn't it cute?" and my immediate thought was "it's so small, it's at that perfect shakeable size".

What are you going to Hell for today?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 15:18, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm engaged to
Louise Woodward.
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 15:28, Reply)

see if you can
drop kick the baby into a litter bin.
(Halfy By light alone, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 15:30, Reply)

I'm a girl
I can't drop kick anything. I can drop things though if someone else wants to do the kicking.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 15:33, Reply)

dropping then kicking will suffice
:-)

I hate children. without mustard.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 15:34, Reply)

Why? WHY?
Why is there a baby in the office? Does it work there? Train it to pick up paper clips or have it escorted from the premises.
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 15:36, Reply)

You can...
...slam dunk it into a nearby skip?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 27 Jan 2009, 15:36, Reply)

Babies...
...are noisy, smell, are subject to sudden and uncontrolled defecation and like being sick down your best clothes.

And people coo over them.

When you do the above after returning from an evening in the pub, people are repulsed.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 27 Jan 2009, 15:38, Reply)

^
It's PC gone mad I tell you!!!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 15:39, Reply)

I hate it when my colleagues bring their brats in
especially as one of them had recently had a very ugly baby. Everyone coos around it but I can't look at it without wanting to laugh
( t0ria has forgotten how this all works, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 15:39, Reply)

@Pier
I know! When I sit around not doing anything and dribbling on myself I get 'verbal warnings'. Pfft.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 15:40, Reply)

A friend's baby was recently christend
"What do you get them for a christening present?" I innocently asked.

"Something they'll keep forever" was the response.

I'm told that my friend's six month old baby is pleased with his new tattoo.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 27 Jan 2009, 15:42, Reply)

On the plus side
Babies have that soft bit on the top of their skulls.

Prick it with a pin, slam their head in the door and see how far you can get the brains to spurt.
You've got 18.47 meters to beat.
( Cawl, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 15:46, Reply)

Mostly I'm going to Hell
for my reply here: www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post353365

Good thing I'll have you lot for company.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 27 Jan 2009, 16:21, Reply)

^ & ^^
Kaol, to reference an earlier post, that is truly hanging.

Loon - ommeners!! Hell bound are you!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 16:45, Reply)

Well,
I've had a gory day, that's just my way of dealing with it...

Also, I don't much like children.
Especially when they're in my GOD-DAMN FUCKIN' OFFICE MAKING IT SMELL OF SHIT AND BABIES.
So, yeah.
If you're on maternity leave, stay away. I DO NOT want to see your ugly crotch-fruit.
( Cawl, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 16:58, Reply)

Very similar thing happend to me
Saw a pic of a friend of a friends baby on facebook.

It looked like a mong - not sure if it is down with the symdrome or just very very ugly.

Either way I'm off to Hull for laughing so hard.
(Raoul Moat's New Fishing Rod, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 17:42, Reply)

It's always amazing to me
how much new babies look like something from Planet Of The Apes.

Either that or they look like either Winston Churchill, Albert Einstein or Alfred Hitchcock.

Oh, and my favorite term for babies? Fuck trophies.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 27 Jan 2009, 17:50, Reply)

Fuck trophies
Also a good name for 'baby on board' signs


Never mind playing spot the red car....
(Stringy, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 23:55, Reply)