Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
(
rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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it's because......things like this keep happening.
An old lady, wearing a hat, approaches the box office, very slowly.
Me (thinks): Oooh goody, ticket sales.
Old Lady leans in to speak to self. Her face is approximately 8 inches from mine.
Old lady: We were supposed to be collected from here at 11.45 but he's not turned up and we're worried. Would you like to ring him?
Me: (thinks who is "he"?) (out loud) Erm, wouldn't it be better if you rang him?
Old Lady: No, I'm not very good. You ring him, there's a good girl.
Me (feeling a bit steamrollered at being addressed thus at the age of 30): Ok, what's his name please?
Different old lady (who has appeared from nowhere, wearing a different hat): He's my husband you know.
Me: OK, so what's his name please?
Old lady: Max, he's my friend.
Other old lady: And he's my husband you know.
Me: Right, could you give me Max's number please?
Old lady (very slowly): Seven...
One minute later
Me: yes...
Other old lady: He's not very well you see.
Old lady: Oh he's here now, Laura is that him? Over there? Laura? Is that him? Max? Max?
Other old lady: Oh yes, he's here now. He's only half an hour late.
They leave, brandishing sticks and muttering.
One minute later
box office phone rings
Me (thinks): Ooh goody, ticket sales.
Me (out loud, down the phone): Good afternoon. Can I help you?
Entirely Different Old Lady Altogether: Och hello dear, I was wondering if you could help me, it's Mrs McDonald here, hello dear, I was in the café just now, dear, and I was with a group of ladies, I was the one wearing the red beret,dear, we were sitting in the window dear, and I was just wondering if the other ladies were still there.
Me (with sense of impending doom): Well, no, they've all just left.
Old lady: Oh, did Max come and pick them up? Och dear, he hadn't turned up when I left, and I was just about to ring Boots, dear, because I knew he'd been in there and there really was nothing left for him to do there, dear, and I thought they might know where he was...
Me (faintly): Oh...
Old lady:... but if he's been and got them that's quite all right but you see we are worried about him as he's not been well and when he's late...
Me (now sinking into the floor)... yes
Old lady:... well dear you don't know what to think but that's quite all right, he's got them now, thank you dear.
Me (weakly): You're welcome.
Old lady: Goodbye, dear.
Me: Um, byebye...
And I have lost the will to live.
(, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 21:21, Reply)
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