Speaking of bizarre letters of complaint.
Back in the early 90s, a mate of mine wrote to complain about Smith's "square crisps". Apparently, not one crisp in a bag of 30g was even remotely square. The nearest was a rhombus which was almost 5 degrees from being square.
He included a mathematical definition of a square, 3 diagrams of random crisps and a pie chart to illustrate the angular deviation across the data-set.

Needless to say, he received a reply. A voucher for more crisps that was worth less than the postage.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:37, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Good God
I thank the Lord Jesus I don't have any mates like that...


However, in the 60s my uncle collected the one or two burnt cornflakes you get in each box until he had entire pack's worth, which he then returned to Kellog's. Despite the blatantly obvious attempt at fraud they compensated him: with a replacment box. Well worth a good year's collecting, unc!

I would like to point out that he is not my mate, though.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 17:01, Reply)

i once defrauded walkers by pretending to have found some glass in a packet of roasted cheese flavour
they sent round a rep with a bag full of crisps and some money off vouchers, but i was shitting it that my parents would find out and bollock me for lying, so i threw them away
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 20:35, Reply)

mictoboy
You make me laugh, guy.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 22:53, Reply)