In that case...
Aaaghh!!

What do I do?

We went away for 5 days - this was supposed to be my summer holiday (he has a couple more hols in the bag with his mates, but I can't afford any more), so we went to Florence. I had all these ideas of rolling green hills, sipping lots of red wine on piazzas and general relaxing and chilling-ness.

AND I thought it might be time to re-ignite that ol' flame of passion. We don't have much sex these days. And most of that is instigated/begged for by me.

So I was dragged around museum after museum, looking at these beautiful rennaisance paintings - amazing. But after THREE DAYS I wanted to see some hills!

Long and short, it took me bursting into tears before he actually realised I might have some things I wanted to do on our holiday.

And we did have sex. Twice. I had to ask.

I think I'm a fairly ok looking girl, and I have very long curly hair - VERY rennaisance. Did he even make ONE compliment - of course not.

As I'm saying Michaelangelo's David can't hold a torch to him, he doesn't even see me. The only compliment I got? The last day, full of a cold, I complained thast I felt (and looked) dreadful - I was apparently his "little Venus".

Cute.

I don't want to be fucking cute! I want to be adored, to be dragged into a hotel room and have my clothes torn off me and make wild passionate love! I want to be told that I'm more beautiful than any painting, that I'm amazing and wonderful.

And all I get is cute.

I could scream.

I love him. I really do, although it is hard to love someone , and want a future with them if they seem so unconcerned as to whether you're involved with theirs. I believe he loves me too. But I don't think he loves me enough. And I've started to think that maybe I don't want to be with him for the rest of my life.

But we're planning to move in together in august. I want to believe it will sort things out, but it just feels like we're papering over the cracks.

I don't want to lose him, but I feel like I'm drowning sometimes, and if he won't give me the affection I need then no doubt I'll find it elsewhere, and I couldn't do that to him.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:19, Reply)