Bill Gates fail
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, 'If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that get 1,000 miles to the gallon.'

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):

1 For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash........
Twice a day.

2 Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3 Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply not accept this.

4 Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5 Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6 The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single 'This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation' warning light.

7 The airbag system would ask 'Are you sure?' before deploying.

8 Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9 Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn the engine off .

PS - I'd like to add that when all else fails, you could call 'customer service' in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign language how to fix your car yourself!!!!
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:54, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Old as the hills
But enjoyable enough
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 25 May 2009, 13:00, Reply)

I was with you
Right up until number 5, which should read:

5) Apple would make a car that would look pretty but the gears would be changed by your tongue and your feet would ne in charge of steering, and would then fall apart after 8 months of use.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Mon 25 May 2009, 13:00, Reply)

Mutters
www.snopes.com/humor/jokes/autos.asp

Walks off
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 25 May 2009, 13:07, Reply)

Readies handbag
It's old, but still amusing
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 25 May 2009, 13:09, Reply)

For the last few years
I've been doing no. 10!

Edit - and for no. 8, any drivers of French or Italian cars will have experienced this sort of thing.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 25 May 2009, 13:10, Reply)