Once upon a time
A Princess gazed out through the balcony of her Royal Tower, as she lounged seductively (her natural resting position) on an over-stuffed chaise-lounge. The sun, not wanting to upset Her Royal Highness, cast it's warming glow upon Princess Becky of Letters' lands. Princess Becky looked over her Kingdom from the lofty vantage point of her gleaming Ivory Tower, and saw that everything was good.

She sighed, it had been a month now since the last attack from Algeordia, and she grew tired of being pampered and revered. She summoned the Royal Agent of the Undergarment (the loftiest position available within her palace), who eagerly scampered in, bearing the finest polka dot lingerie her lands could provide. The servant averted his eyes, and knelt down before the Princess. Once the Princess had dressed, she dismissed the servant, who, in keeping with tradition, said "It has been an honour to serve Your Highness", before jumping over the balcony and plummeting to his death.

The Princess continued dressing for battle, for she knew that Algeordia were up to something, and even if they weren't, she was going to stomp them into submission.

Her servants, alerted by the ritual suicide of the Royal Agent of the Undergarment, had already prepared a fine banquet for their beloved Princess, but she instead dismissed them, and ordered her steed be readied.

Mere moments later she was sat on the back of her favourite giant tiger, and together they traveled to the Great Wall that separates the mongrels of Algeordia from the civilised and enlightened people of Letters.

Her suspicions were correct (as they always were), just beyond the Great Wall the disgusting wretch they call General Bertie Von Ubercunt was amassing a formidable army. The land as far as the eye could see was swarming with the foul ragtag barbarians of Algeordia, all rallying under the Von Ubercunt banner.

The Princess, her radiant beauty a stark contrast to the ugly, unwashed peons in front of her, grinned, for she knew then that this battle would be long, brutal, and a lot of fun.

She gracefully dismounted from her tiger, before scritching just behind it's ear. She could already feel Fear spread through the assembled army as word spread of her arrival. Casually, yet purposefully, she strode through the army, smiling wickedly as the barbarians scrambled over each other in a desperate bid to clear her path.

As she approached the General, who was yet to noticed the Princess, she coughed delicately. The General froze, dread filling his veins, for he knew that his time on this earth had been cut remarkably short. His knees trembling, he slowly turned to face Princess Becky, tears welling in his eyes. Gazing upon the Princess' beauty and radiant countenance, and feeling her palpable aura of raw, primal power, he dropped to his knees.

"Please, have mercy! I beg of you, please spare my pitiful life!"

A silence fell, as all assembled held their breath in anticipation. After a brief moment the Princess reaches down to gently grasp Von Ubercunt by the chin, moving his head up so that their gazes met.

"I shall spare all your lives" she said, her voice carrying on the winds to every corner of Algeordia. "But first..."

She waited for the grateful look in the General's eyes to fade, replaced by that familiar look of dread, before she effortlessly extends her arm to throw General Bertie into the air. With one swift movement Princess Becky launches herself into the air, spinning with superhuman grace, before lashing her foot out to strike the General's flailing body. A loud tearing noise shatters the silence across the plain, as a minuscule piece of cloth arcs across the sky, trailing blood.

The General lands awkwardly, his howls of pain caught raggedly in his throat, as he clutches his groin in a weak attempt to stop the profuse bleeding.

"Now, sweet kitty, take an eye from each of my new subjects who dared look upon me" says Her Royal Highness, stroking the tiger gently, before turning to walk back to her Palace, as screams of pain and anguish echo behind her.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 17:15, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Clicks
for scritching the big kitty behind the ears
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 17:18, Reply)

DEAR INTERNET USER
Do you have any CONCRETE FACTS to back up your WILD AND OUTRAGEOUS claims?

This could amount to INTERNET SLANDER
(INTERNETLAWYERMAN QC: Ace Attorney, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 17:20, Reply)

O HAI
It's not slander when the person in question likes it.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 17:21, Reply)

DEAR INTERNET USER
Get yourself a new internet lawyer.
(INTERNETLAWYERMAN QC: Ace Attorney, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 17:22, Reply)

I had one, but he got scared and ran away
Now we don't speak as he's a big pussy.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 17:24, Reply)

---IMPORTANT-----


TERRIBLE BULLYING ON THE INTERNET OF AN INTERNETLAWYER

This offence carries a very large and unpleasant penalty

Cease and Desist
(INTERNETLAWYERMAN QC: Ace Attorney, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 17:26, Reply)

Are you threatning me Internetlawyerman?
I think it speaks volumes that you came back onto OT before you made an appearance on /talk.

Sings I am the resurrection
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 17:27, Reply)

DEAR INTERNET USER
I CAN BE FOUND WHEREVER INTERNET JUSTICE
need to be delivered.
(INTERNETLAWYERMAN QC: Ace Attorney, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 17:33, Reply)

Where were you when I needed you yesterday?
Fucking no where that's where. I'm disappointed that I had to resort to texting you INTERNETLAWYERMAN, even then I didn't get the answer I wanted.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 17:34, Reply)

I vote euphemism of the day to...
stroking the tiger gently
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 17:20, Reply)