I'm awful with self-depreciation
to the point where someone said they didn't need to take the piss out of me, I did it myself. It's an annoying habit and as a result if anyone ever says anything nice to me, I think I've just guilted them into it.

The funny thing is that everyone always says I'm really happy and a great person to have around etc. etc. It always pops up in refferences and reports, that I'm always the one that livens things up. I don't see that at all, I'm just bland and boring and pretty mediocre.

How do I have self-belief? I don't. I tend to cling to the nice things people say until they are disproved. One thing that never fails to make me laugh (sadly) is that the one person who always tells me how great I am and how I should be proud of myself is a guy I really like, that I thought didn't realise, but it turns out everyone knows and it's a massive joke. So I crack jokes about it, and I'm pretty much over it, but he's seriously amazing, and it's annoying that he can care for me without liking me.

It's fairly obvious from this that I'm a whiney bitch. And I try to ignore it, and act confident. Most people don't notice I'm putting it on; and I hate whingers, so I tend to rant like the above in relative anonymity, like here, or to people I trust. Though I always feel tht I want to be liked and accepted, anddon't like uspetting people.

You know what? I'll shut up.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 22:23, Reply)