How to get on a train
(or a tube, if the fucking things are ever running)

The Right Way
Wait for the doors to open, and allow any passengers alighting at the current station to disembark from the train, before politely shuffling into the space they have created alongside your fellow commuter.

The Wrong Way
Come to the conclusion that if you don't get on this train within four seconds of its coming to a standstill at the platform, it will whizz off again into the distance, leaving you behind, whilst those other commuters fortunate enough to be on said train laugh and mock you as the person that had an EPIC TRAIN EMBARKATION FAIL and the guard leans out the window making V-signs at your diminishing figure.

To prevent this SHAMEFUL EVENTUALITY, therefore, press your body up against the door of the train as it grinds to a halt, start punching the "Door Open" button impatiently and LAUNCH yourself into the growing aperture as the door eventually slides open. MUTTER expletives under your breath. IGNORE the needs of the other passengers who wish to get off the train. IGNORE the elderly couple who need a bit of time to climb the step into the carriage. IGNORE the people who have been stood in front of you and have been on that platform for twice as long as you. IGNORE EVERYONE'S NEEDS BUT YOUR OWN. JUST MAKE SURE YOU'RE ON THAT TRAIN. FUCK THEM ALL, YOUR DIGNITY DEPENDS ON THIS.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 10:03, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Clickin' this.
It's a rage that no-one but Londoners can understand. If only these idiots would just fall on the tracks, out commute would be so much politer and less stressful.

And those 'Door Open' buttons... They haven't worked for years. Why do people think that their fingers have the magic touch that makes the buttons suddenly work. GOD I hate the tube.
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 11:23, Reply)

Holy motherfucking christtttttttttt
THIS
( chart cat has an itch, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 19:15, Reply)