Good god no
one of them has a nose like a club foot, and the other has a spazzy mouth you wouldn't want to put your balls anywhere near.

I'm the fussy sort
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:44, 1 reply, 17 years ago)

Hey, hey
my flatmates refuse to split the cost of pay-per-view pr0n channels and we've got no interweb connection at home just yet. I'm making the best of what I can get...perhaps I should go fishing again...
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:47, Reply)

You're right, TV is sadly lacking attractive women these days
what's happened to them all? Are they all on the internet pretending to be sweaty lummoxes?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:49, Reply)

I wish I could say that I was an attractive woman
and was simply masquerading as a sweaty lummox on the interweb for the fun of winding people up.

I wish.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:56, Reply)

*adjusts tie*
Well, hello there you gorgeous young thing

*brushes dust off your shoulders and begins stroking your hair neck and face*

*raises eyebrow*

How about it?

*extends crotch*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:58, Reply)

Well, as long as you're not put off by my stubble...
*gobbles*
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 12:02, Reply)

Sometimes my Mrs has a stubbly snatch
so when I'm going down on her I have to pretend I'm snogging my step dad.

Blech
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 12:04, Reply)

That Melissa Porter used to be fit
But I've gone off her. It's all an act.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:57, Reply)

I just looked her up
and I STILL don't know who she is
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:59, Reply)

She's going to end up like Jayne McDonald if she's not careful

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 12:07, Reply)

But who is she?

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 12:08, Reply)

She does property shows and that
and her personal website smacks of "single and desperate".
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 12:10, Reply)

I saw the website
it really does scream 'my ovaries are still working! -somebody impregnate me before I go menopausal'

But I still don't know of any shows she's done
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 12:12, Reply)

Get a New Life
Escape to the Country
Can't remember anything else. I also thought she was from the midlands, but she's not. She's so fake.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 12:17, Reply)