Well, the story begins like this
My car developed a fault with it's alarm ...... It went off when it was cold and damp. It sounded a grand sum of four times over a week and a half - I took action as soon as I had the chance but one of my neighbours got the arsehole and complained to the council who sent me a rather shitty letter threatening me with action normally associated with 18 year old chavs with a a sound system in their first flat.

My response is as below:

"Mr XXXXXXXX,

Please accept this email as acknowledgement of your letter dated 15th October.

With reference to vehicle registration no. XXXXXX, I was aware that the vehicle's alarm system developed a fault and rectified this at the earliest opportunity, the alarm has been disconnected and should cause no further distress to the residents of XXXXXXXX road. While I accept that a car alarm can be a minimal irritation and a nuisance, I find it odd that nobody took the time to speak to me in person to voice their concerns and instead called yourselves to threaten an abatement notice, and all that it may entail, for what is basically an relatively isolated incident.

Seeing as the complainants are content to hide behind the skirts of local government, I am not afforded the opportunity to apologise to them for any inconvenience that the malfunctioning alarm may have caused; please pass on my assurances that the issue has been dealt with and I regret any problems it may have caused.

Now that I am aware that the offices of the Environmental Protection Services are prepared to employ such punitive tactics for such minor matters I shall look forward to complaining about all manner of noises. I had previously chalked these up to the price one pays for living cheek by jowl with ones neighbours but as they're covered by the 1990 Environmental Protection Act I can see that my tolerance was in fact misplaced and I can sleep safe in the knowledge that the I have the ability to register my distress at the slightest of my neighbour's actions.

I would be obliged if you would amend your records with the correct spelling of my name - Ask yourself if Han shot first, then you'll have your answer as to whether this brief missive contains sarcasm or not.

Sincerely"


Too much?
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 0:39, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

personally...
marvelous... there was a sentence in the middle I didn't quite understand, but really - I only hope I have the opportunity to write such a note.
(feedingtimeatthezoo day 1 of his bikini diet started, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 0:59, Reply)

Beautiful.
I think every letter read by trumped-up government officials should be just as polite and helpful. There wasnn't a gram of malice present, yet the anger still seeped through.
(Paolo Nutini's Bikini Better than Frederick Fleet's optometrist, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 2:41, Reply)

Can I cast a different light on this.

You probably found writing your letter cathartic and thats great. Everyone needs to vent.

Brutal truth is that from the recipients perspective (council) your reply will just be one of many and no one there will give a toss, regardless how clever you feel. They got a complaint. They felt they had to act. You addressed the issue. Job done. Not having a crack at you but recognise that your neighbour complained formally and that triggered a series of events (i.e. letter to you). Council weren't hunting for you and didn't even know about your alarm before the matter was bought to them. Council just had an obligation to issue some form of communication to you to address the complaint. Like 99.99999% of the planet, Council doesn't care about your world view so your response will probably be met with office mirth, and if you are really lucky it might make the Wall of Shame.

The biggest mistake people can make with these things is to take them personally: All your reply needed to say was 'This issue has been addressed' (or whatever else they required you to comply with etc blah). End.

Please recognise that your problem is not with Council - perhaps you could argue it’s with your unidentified neighbours. But to be frank your problem is with your car alarm. Glad to hear you've fixed it because malfunctioning car alarms are annoying, don't you think? Don't know where you live, but your alarm may have annoyed many people, and quite a few times.

I hope the letter you received in response to your malfunctioning alarm hasn't upset you unreasonably.
(XmanX captain upsetter hahahahaha, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 5:44, Reply)

well put
I accept all of the above and I was just a touch peeved to get their letter. It was a good opportunity to vent ...... I'm still toying with wheter I should send it.
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 12:12, Reply)

Nicely put

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 9:39, Reply)