I had sex once.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 26 Oct 2009, 22:24, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

NO WAY.
I wish I could do it on a real woman. Just once, one of them could sleep with me. But then I have crippling aspergers according to a test I took on the internet, and I always end up doing things wrong. Like this one time it was getting all hot and heavy but then I ended up thinking of Mr. T and spaffed in my pants.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 26 Oct 2009, 22:28, Reply)

Man, me too
I've had it a few times since and it's been alright but it's not up to the pornos, like. I wish I didn't spend so much of my life in bed.
(raymond "three griddle pans" luxury yacht lovin' the christmas action, Mon 26 Oct 2009, 22:45, Reply)

Once being the operative word.
And that was with JMG. Then your cock fell off with the shame of it all.

I'm not surprised, frankly. He's a major disappointment to his whole family, you know. We keep him in a cupboard under the stairs, like Harry Potter. The crushing disillusionment of realising that Newcastle United will never be a major force in football again keeps him subdued.

Well, that and the chloroform.
(Craig Colclough I've been on the telly you know. And in the papers, Mon 26 Oct 2009, 23:50, Reply)

what's it like?
nudge nudge, wink wink.
(knackerz is skinning up, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 0:07, Reply)

He wouldn't know.
Two seconds was all he managed; not enough to gather any impression of what conjugal relations are really like.

Not like me. I can last a whole minute. Ninety seconds if I think of Kerry Katona. A hundred seconds if I think about Katie Price.
(Craig Colclough I've been on the telly you know. And in the papers, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 0:20, Reply)

I know.
I've seen the picture.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 27 Oct 2009, 1:12, Reply)

!!! NSFW FFS !!!
This isn't the first time... please can you at least warn us when a link is going to be NSFW? Because I'm at work.
( chart cat has an itch, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 3:23, Reply)

Sorry.
Wasn't thinking about that at the time.

(The rest of that site is hilarious, btw.)
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 27 Oct 2009, 13:03, Reply)

You sound as though you've learned your lesson.
Try not to do it again.

rafter
baz
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 7:11, Reply)

LIES
WAKY!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 9:16, Reply)