A giant Fuck You to Eiji Aonuma
A bit of a rant about Zelda: Twilight Princess, indulge me. ;-)

Main Body in replies...
(bill, Fri 27 Nov 2009, 2:32, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I just want to say a giant Fuck You to Eiji Aonuma, Makoto Miyanaga, Yoichi Yamada, Shinichi Ikematsu, Daiji Imai, Koji Kitagawa, Hiromasa Shikata, Kentaro Tominaga & anyone else who had a hand in the design of Twilight Princess for the Wii. I've finally given up on ever catching the fish in the first area and don't give a fuck anymore.

How can you have done this to me, remember all the fun times we've had, you were the ones who introduced me to the action adventure genre.

Assembling the Triforce of wisdom to defeat Ganon the first time way back when.
Easing me through the initial confusion when next time we had a side view.
Using the Hookshot for the first time in A Link to The Past, humming the overworld map theme happily before the world went dark and the world became sinister.
Link's Awakening, The first time we went portable together, the big grin on my face after finally awakening the Wind Fish one spring day on the bus ride back from school.
Setting my ringtone to a bad midi version of Epona's Song after spending far too much time on the horseback archery minigame in Ocarina of Time
Exploring Termina in the hunt for Majora's Mask, finally stopping that moon from crashing into the land and saving the day for the last time on the N64.
Sailing the high seas on our quest to restore the master sword and defeating Ganondorf in Wind Walker
Drawing the path of the boomerang on the touchscreen in Phantom Hourglass
And now you do this to me, You take what should have been the final Gamecube Zelda title and move it to the Wii, fine I thought, I'll give it a chance even though I know it isn't the true Zelda title the Wii deserves and after struggling to pick up one in the original launch scramble (thanks for nothing play.com, that's the last "pre-order" you ever got from me) I finally got the console and game near the start of 2007 and have spent countless hours since just trying to catch the fucking fish in the first village. Why the fuck am I supposed to care about the bloody cat anyway, it's been so long that I've been trying to catch the fucking fish I can't even remember where I'd have needed to deliver it had I ever managed to.

Well, I just don't fucking care anymore, I've had it, fuck you, fuck Zelda, let her die at Ganon's hand this time for all that it matters to me anymore, stupid fucking bitch, why the fuck do I have to rescue her every fucking time she gets kidnapped, can't someone else go get the dumb cow for once.

Bonus Rant:

And while I'm on the subject of stupid princesses getting kidnapped, what the fuck is up with Peach/Toadstool? And what's a princess doing hanging around with common tradesmen anyway? Surely there should be a prince to go save her instead of "it'sa me Mario" having to do it every time! And who keeps letting Bowser and Ganon out anyway? I'm sure they shouldn't be getting paroled this quickly?

This mini bonus rant is in no way a attack on Shigeru Miyamoto who I am a massive fan of and allow to get away with the above because he doesn't make me do stupid fishing minigames!

%While caused by, this rant is not sponsored or endorsed by Jim Beam Black Label%
(bill, Fri 27 Nov 2009, 2:32, Reply)

Gutted.
It's DEFINITELY worth sticking with it because I think it's possibly the best Zelda game ever, with the possible exception of Phantom Hourglass on the DS. The dungeons are awesome, the difficulty is balanced all the way through (apart from the fish thing, obviously) and there were plenty of moments I found myself entirely caught up in the whole story.

If in doubt - and you probably already know this - just google 'gamefaq twilight princess walkthrough' and get over this minor hurdle, enjoy your hangover and enjoy the rest of this awesome title.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 27 Nov 2009, 6:24, Reply)

Did you know...
that Zelda is named after F. Scott Fitzgeralds' missus, Zelda Fitzgerald?

I read that on Wikipedia so could be spurious of course.

rafter
baz
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 27 Nov 2009, 10:11, Reply)

Grrr
I recently decided to replay the game and totally forgot about the whole sodding fish part. Its a pain in the ass but well worth doing due to what lies ahed in the rest of the game.

Anyone else planning on buying the next DS installment out soon (Spirit Tracks)?
(mon bison powered by magnets, Fri 27 Nov 2009, 13:53, Reply)