As the wife mentioned it, this is the letter that got me a crate of Free Beer (the best kind, no?)
Dear David,

I hope you don't mind me writing to you, but it did say at the bottom of the menu in one of your pubs that I could, so here it is.

(Before I get started, please note that I'm not complaining, or being one of those rude and abrasive people who I'm sure must take great pleasure in pointing out to you just how they could run your business better. Just so we're on the same playing field, eh?)

Anyway, where was I? That's it, I was writing to you. In the past, I have regularly eaten some of your fine food and drank some of your fine beer at the Half Moon pub in Shaftesbury, Dorset. I won't bore you with the ins-and-outs of it all, but I'm a Londoner and my fiance lived in Shaftesbury at the time. Since, she has moved to London, and it's been a while since we've had a chance to go to the West Country.

When first I went to this pub, way back in 2006, there was a glorious beer on tap, by the name of Stinger. Never had I drunk a real ale that felt so alive in my mouth, that really made my tongue tingle (a result, I'm sure, of the nettles used - although I'm not entirely sure it isn't psychosomatic), that was so refreshing. I spent the next year waiting and, in 2007, my favourite beer was back. I supplemented myself in the intervening months with bottles of Fursty Ferret from Tesco, or the occasional Tanglefoot, but it was always Stinger I looked forward to.

So now we're up to date. This last weekend I travelled down to Dorset, booked a table at the Half Moon, and took the Fiance and the to-be-in-laws out for a meal (the last of the big spenders!). I ordered my steak and, with the excitement of a small boy who's seen the bike-shaped parcel on Christmas Day, ordered my pint of Stinger.

Imagine, if you can (and I hope I've pointed out how much I like this beer) my shock and disappointment when the landlady told me that Stinger isn't on tap this year. She did explain why, in terms of the cost of production, but I don't mind telling you, David (can I call you David?), that I was heartbroken. Sure, I can buy it in bottles online or in the brewery shop, but it's not the same is it?

Anyway, the whole point of this letter is (and I suppose I should come to it, you're a busy man after all), is there any chance of having Stinger back in your pubs next year? Or, horror of all horrors, is there any chance that you'll never make Stinger again?

I should wrap this up now, and I'm sure I come across as one of those insufferable bores you meet at parties who think they're incredibly witty and urbane, so I'll get on with it. I'd like to tell you that, of all of the Hall and Woodhouse pubs I have been in, I have never, ever had a bad time. The staff are always welcoming, the food is always top notch, the beer is always perfectly conditioned, and a great time is always had by all. I am already looking forward to my next trip to Dorset - hopefully just in time for Festive Pheasant or Pickled Partridge. May I suggest Toasted Turkey? Or perhaps Gobbledy-Goose?

I sincerely hope you can find some meaning in the above waffle, and hope that you can find the time to reply to me.

I look forward to hearing from you soon,

DiT
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 8 Jan 2010, 12:55, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Actually, reading that back, I come across as a bit of a twat.
They probably sent me beer to shut me up.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 8 Jan 2010, 12:56, Reply)

they still sent you beer though
twat you may be, but twat with free beer!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 8 Jan 2010, 13:07, Reply)

Nah,
it was alright, good actually. Just the right amount of fawning mixed with the correct doseage of disappointment supplemented by the perfect amount of arselicking.

Send it again, see what happens.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 8 Jan 2010, 13:09, Reply)