Whilst I agree wholeheartedly with Vipros' earlier comment
I couldn't resist a good, old-fashioned, entirely uninformed 'reckon':

If you've twisted your ankle, it will swell. You've probably stretched or broken some ligaments and the affected area will swell (I'm not sure why this is but I think it's a similar reason to blistering - fluid building up to protect the damaged part). I'd be very surprised if it's actually gout. Either way, go and see a doctor.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:42, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

My word, sir!
What ill-informed speculation! Do you have a medical degree, like I do? I thought not. Mine even has my name on it, see there, on the tippex.

This gentleman has clearly DISLOCATED his ankle and therefore I must manipulate it back into place, which IN NO WAY will result in a twisted, Beadle-like claw foot and a prison sentence.
(Edmund has no idea what you mean, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:48, Reply)

And I suppose you'll manipulate it back into place using your harrier jump-jet
once you've got it out of its hangar at the South Pole?

You're too late, sunshine. I've already gazzed him a collage made entirely from pictures of my own cock.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:50, Reply)

Don't be absurd, everyone knows you don't get harrier jump jets in the South Pole,
they only live in the Northern hemisphere.

Besides, the word is MANipulate, which makes it quite obvious that you need to use your weighty, impressive MANpenis to club it back into shape.
(Edmund has no idea what you mean, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:04, Reply)

Then that's what I'll do.
And when I'm finished with the patient, I shall club you across the face with my weighty and terrifying manpenis. En garde!
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:09, Reply)

I shall have you struck off.

(Edmund has no idea what you mean, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:14, Reply)

I shall have both your wives strike me off

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:31, Reply)