Medical assitance - Help!
Here's the lowdown. A few years ago I got gout in my ankle, and it pretty much seized it for about 6 weeks. Made some lifestyle changes and kept it at bay without drugs and shiz. Only ever got it in the ankle, no other joints.

December, I sprained it in a x-country, and the sprain was quite bad, but I think became worse as it had a lot of gouty symptoms - severe swelling, pain at night, etc..

Last Wednesday I twisted the same ankle ever so slightly. It sent a shooting pain up my leg, but nothing too severe. Thursday it was ok, Friday a bit sore, Saturday I ran 12 miles and it was ok, Sunday agony, today it's crying blue murder.

I'm shit scared of gout now... my question would be can gout symptoms be brought on in the ankle by a twist? I'd think not, but would like someone who understands this shiz to comment. Dr Google says no.
( Piper Alpha is being a grumpy northerm bastard on:, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:35, 102 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I recommend a course of
"go and see a real doctor you fucking helmet"

actual pain is not something about which to ask the internet
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:36, Reply)

not arsed about the pain (winces)..
... just the mechanics of gouts starts. I understand the coating of chrystals in protein, hence swelling.... but, can it be brought on by a twist?

btw: loling @ "you fucking helmet".
( Piper Alpha is being a grumpy northerm bastard on:, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:38, Reply)

Yes.
Or it could be a coincidence. Or it could be something else entirely.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:40, Reply)

Or I could just be guessing.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:40, Reply)

Or perhaps I'm channeling zoologist-hotelier Captain Kaol, most qualified man in the universe.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:41, Reply)

I think your best option is to amputate, probably. Do you own an electric carving knife?

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:42, Reply)

We did have a 'proper' doctor on OT that could have helped you
but he's in prison now so we're not so handy with the medical advice. I would suggest seeking a medical professionals opinion rather than any of us twunts.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:41, Reply)

Oh shit, I'd forgotten about that.
Sock-puppet time!
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:42, Reply)

You rang?

(Edmund has no idea what you mean, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:43, Reply)

*bursts*

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:46, Reply)

*gazzes*

*winks*
(Edmund has no idea what you mean, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:48, Reply)

*dies a little inside*

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:50, Reply)

Go man go
Bring forth the medical madness... don't forget to mention your expedition to the North Pole!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:44, Reply)

He came back!!!
He was called Medical Male and he gazzed me. Still no cock, but hey, he was cross that I'd rumbled him...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:59, Reply)

Madam, I can assure you that was an impostor.

(Edmund has no idea what you mean, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:01, Reply)

I really think that was you/him, Ed

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:02, Reply)

Nonsense,
I was awaiting Her Majesty's Pleasure at the time. I believe she wished to congratulate me on my charity efforts, or some such.
(Edmund has no idea what you mean, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:07, Reply)

Fancy going to the opera?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:10, Reply)

Do you promise to wear a single paedo-glove?
I am partial to a bit of Gilbert and Sullivan.
(Edmund has no idea what you mean, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:12, Reply)

I have a beautiful gun-metal coloured 3/4 length leather paedo glove
I shall wear it
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:13, Reply)

Then it is a date.
Do you mind if I bring one of my wives? Only I'm a bit short of cash at the moment so I can only afford one house, and I have to keep one wife with me at all times so they don't run into each other. I'll rohypnol her when it's cock time, don't worry.
(Edmund has no idea what you mean, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:17, Reply)

That's fine.
I must confess, I wear my paedo glove becasue I have a hideously deformed claw-like hand.
Can you help me?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:18, Reply)

One good manipulation deserves another, I suppose.

(Edmund has no idea what you mean, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:21, Reply)

Deal

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:24, Reply)

Although she never did show up. I imagine she was just busy.
And the waiting room was rather less salubrious than I had expected.
(Edmund has no idea what you mean, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:11, Reply)

Whilst I agree wholeheartedly with Vipros' earlier comment
I couldn't resist a good, old-fashioned, entirely uninformed 'reckon':

If you've twisted your ankle, it will swell. You've probably stretched or broken some ligaments and the affected area will swell (I'm not sure why this is but I think it's a similar reason to blistering - fluid building up to protect the damaged part). I'd be very surprised if it's actually gout. Either way, go and see a doctor.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:42, Reply)

My word, sir!
What ill-informed speculation! Do you have a medical degree, like I do? I thought not. Mine even has my name on it, see there, on the tippex.

This gentleman has clearly DISLOCATED his ankle and therefore I must manipulate it back into place, which IN NO WAY will result in a twisted, Beadle-like claw foot and a prison sentence.
(Edmund has no idea what you mean, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:48, Reply)

And I suppose you'll manipulate it back into place using your harrier jump-jet
once you've got it out of its hangar at the South Pole?

You're too late, sunshine. I've already gazzed him a collage made entirely from pictures of my own cock.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:50, Reply)

Don't be absurd, everyone knows you don't get harrier jump jets in the South Pole,
they only live in the Northern hemisphere.

Besides, the word is MANipulate, which makes it quite obvious that you need to use your weighty, impressive MANpenis to club it back into shape.
(Edmund has no idea what you mean, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:04, Reply)

Then that's what I'll do.
And when I'm finished with the patient, I shall club you across the face with my weighty and terrifying manpenis. En garde!
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:09, Reply)

I shall have you struck off.

(Edmund has no idea what you mean, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:14, Reply)

I shall have both your wives strike me off

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:31, Reply)

You know about the aspatimine/fizzy drink connection I suppose?
Doesn't sound like gout to me.

Trust me, I'm a doctor.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:44, Reply)

Vipros you cunt,
are you saying emotional pain is less valid than physical pain?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:39, Reply)

in hindsight what I should have said is
a little bit of pain never hurt anyone
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:14, Reply)

*waves*
Alright, hows it going?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:40, Reply)

not bad ta
you?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:15, Reply)

I'm super thank you muchly
even though its Monday and I can't get no sleep
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:16, Reply)

glad to hear it
I'm not suffering at all from stumbling home at 4am on sunday morning which is nice.

had a top notch weekend, with fine dining, awesome gigage and lots of lying about.

watched Dorian Gray as well, which I was very pleased with on the whole.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:23, Reply)

Oooh sounds tops!
I was wondering what Dorian Gray was like, I would like to see it! :D

I watched Avatar last week with DiT... it was like Dances with Wolves... but in space.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:32, Reply)

That is an amazing description right there!!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:33, Reply)

"Best looking Ferngully remake ever" is my favourite so far.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:37, Reply)

Hehehe
That's good too. At one point while watching it I had a Ferngully flashback, it made me giggle.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:39, Reply)

haha
superb.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:44, Reply)

Alright mrs!
That's the only way I can describe it really. It was the same basic plot and it went on far too blooming long, it was very pretty and clever but also slightly meh... Dances with bloody Wolves.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:38, Reply)

Dorian Gray was rather good
I love the book, and the film was nicely satisfying

Colin Firth was particularly excellent
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:46, Reply)

Cool
I do like Colin Firth, he is rather super in most films!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:48, Reply)

I'd say this was my favourite performance of his
because he's a bit of a bounder.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:55, Reply)

Cool
Hurrah, I'm excited about it now! I had heard bad reviews so wasn't so sure. :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:57, Reply)

The book is excellent, I love it.
Colin Firth went to my school and 6th Form college.


THE END.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 16:04, Reply)

being a contrary bastard
you will probably hate the film, but I thought it was excellent. Nice and dark, well acted and true to the book.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 16:06, Reply)

I thought that film was horrendous

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 16:27, Reply)

Ring NHS direct you nonce.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:42, Reply)

Wasn't Pooflake the gout master?
I think his was cider related
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:43, Reply)

Amputation
Remove everything below your nose.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:46, Reply)

Get g'out your cock and jump up and down, whilst looking in the mirror, pulling French shruggy shoulder poses.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:46, Reply)

Right, I see the problem.
You will need:

One high-res photograph of your penis (or of someone else's penis if yours is insufficiently impressive)
One harrier jump-jet.
One custom-made anti-soap-dropping glove.
Two wives.

I think you know the rest.
(Edmund has no idea what you mean, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:46, Reply)

Get yourself a smoking jacket, a pipe and a nice glass of port
sit in front of a roaring fire with your feet up

In fifty years time you will be dead.

Or, see a doctor, and get some morphine.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:48, Reply)

Make way, I'm a doctor.
Hmmm. twisted ankle eh? Scared of gout eh?

I suggest you take a bottle of Benzedrine and wash it down with a nice Sancerre whilst dancing liek Beyone in the 'Crazy in Love' video.

If that does not clear it up in four days maybe you should come back here and we will try something else.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:51, Reply)

You have ankle AIDS

the only way to cure it will be to foot fuck a virgin.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:53, Reply)

This must be the truth

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:54, Reply)

You're only saying that because you're pretending to be a virgin

(Bazongaloid, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:57, Reply)

Who doesn't.

( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:58, Reply)

Filthy whores
I'm pretty sure they can't pretend to be virgins.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:15, Reply)

Hahaha
Yes that's true.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:10, Reply)

Line up, line up, AIDS cure right here

*spreads*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:10, Reply)

Quit jogging
your knees will thank you for it
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:55, Reply)

Don't worry...
...it is probably just rheumatoid arthritis.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:00, Reply)

Thanks all for taking the time from your busy schedules...
I'll try and visit the Dr on Friday, but will be pissed Thursday, so might not be exhibiting the same problems....

Failing that, I do know where there is a Harrier that the owner lets you sit in and spray the cockpit with engine-noise-spittle.
( Piper Alpha is being a grumpy northerm bastard on:, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:11, Reply)

For fuck's sake, just have a few beers
That should sort it out.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:07, Reply)

Port is really the best option

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:10, Reply)

I'd say it was the first port of call

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:13, Reply)

Any port in a storm

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:15, Reply)

I'm thinking of this in terms of a metaphor for life
But all that comes to mind is something along the lines of the "any hole's a goal" adage, leading to "when life is in turmoil, have sex with stuff."
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:33, Reply)

this seems like good advice

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 16:22, Reply)

With lots of game...
...anchovies and sweetbreads.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:17, Reply)

and claret
and opium
( djtrialprice, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:23, Reply)

man, I'd love some game, anchovies, claret and opium right now...

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:28, Reply)

Wouldn't you ACTUALLY love to be going to see Bigelf tomorrow?
*smugs*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:31, Reply)

I take back everything nice I've ever said about you

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:45, Reply)

Fucking hell me too, minus the anchovies.
I've not smoked opium for years.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:51, Reply)

May I have your anchovies?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:53, Reply)

anchovies schlong inserted inside me
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:56, Reply)

I was going to reply 'sure, fill your boots old boy'
However in the light of your reply I don't think I will.

Anyway - I'm going home now, I'm fucked from lack of sleep.

See ya!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 16:03, Reply)

It's not necessarily gout symptoms you've had recur, but in fact a nasty sprain which is bluntly telling the messengers in your brain that its had enough and isn't going to play nicely anymore.
Go and see a doctor before it gets even worse.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:27, Reply)

I doubt it's gout
far more likely to be dead pandas bumhole bum aids
( broadsword, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:33, Reply)

Now don't be silly.
You are not a Doctor, are you?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:54, Reply)

I'd like to be a doctor of breasts
i like breasts, you see
( broadsword, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 16:04, Reply)

That was a bit daft then, running 12 miles on a gammy ankle.
You silly saussage, get yourself seen too.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:38, Reply)

seen too put down
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:55, Reply)

R.I.C.E
Rest
Ice
Compression
Extention
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:46, Reply)

Rectal
Invasions
Cause
Euphoria
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:54, Reply)

Rubbish
Igloos
Can
Enrage
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:56, Reply)

Not
Good
At
Acronyms
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 16:06, Reply)

Right,
I
Can
Explain.
Really!
It's
Considerably
Easy.
(TheColonel, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 16:13, Reply)

Rape,
Incest
Cause
Erections?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 16:15, Reply)

Right!
Internet
Confessions
Eventually.
(TheColonel, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 16:27, Reply)

rotund idiot compares exits
(Halfy By light alone, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:58, Reply)

Rip
It
Clean
(E)off
(TheColonel, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 16:02, Reply)

I'd say amputation
but Labia beat me to it
(Halfy By light alone, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:54, Reply)

i don't like the word labia and amputation in such close proximity

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 16:05, Reply)

CRI you owe us a report from Friday night.
Did you have to mace the guy and run home?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 16:11, Reply)