All yours
Provided you promise only to use Viz-esque Geordie chat-up lines.

"Hoo, pet. Did yous knaa, scottish blokes are s'pursed to last longest in bed like, but them red indians is s'pursed to have the biggest nobs. Sorry, din't introduce meself...name's Geronimur Mactavish."
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 24 Feb 2010, 12:20, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I was thinking
my best shot with one of the most beautiful, wealthiest and well-connected twentysomething women in Britain is probably to club her over the head and drag her back to my cave
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 24 Feb 2010, 12:28, Reply)

At least then she wouldn't talk during

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 24 Feb 2010, 13:19, Reply)

that is very funny.
She doesn't look like a real person and her ability to turn on tears at a moments notice without ever smearing her make-up only serves to confirm that.

rafter
baz
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Wed 24 Feb 2010, 12:29, Reply)

Imagine what practical purposes that has in bed
Instant artificial wetness. Foreplay rendered redundant
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 24 Feb 2010, 12:30, Reply)

hm, useful...
especially when triggered by one's own dulcet tones.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Wed 24 Feb 2010, 12:36, Reply)